America's Next Top Model

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When the girls head back, there's a big red box with a bow on it. It's a gorgeous Versace jacket. In the words of Chris, "We come home and this bitch got a Versace jacket. That jacket is fly. It is fly." It really is fly. Kayla takes a feel and says you can tell the jacket is real. It would have been the greatest if Tyra had arranged for a Versace knock-off. Meanwhile, there is Tyra Mail! "Soon I am going to make you look marbelous. Love, Tyra." Jane, history major that she is, theorizes that they'll be made to look like marble statues of ancient Rome. One can only hope the pigeons have been made aware of their shooting schedule.

The next day, the girls head to Lake Como, and wind up at George Clooney's neighbor's house. Or so I imagine, only because a visit from George would really make this recap worthwhile. Nigel and Jay await the girls, and so they know that Nigel is going to be their photographer. Chris limps in and Jay asks her what's up. She says that she's hurt her ankle, but it's okay and she's not going to let it hold her back. Lucky for her there are no heels involved in this shoot. Nigel welcomes the girls to Villa Erba, which is studded with statues. He explains that today the girls will be statues in the garden, who are transformed into life by the love of their sculptor, a male model. Kayla cracks up, because this show seems really determined to get a little dick in her life.

The girls head to hair and makeup. Vincenzo Cavicchi is the man who will transform them via heavy-looking body paint. Their hair gets painted, too. Jay introduces male model Simone Bredariol, and damn if the Italians don't have some hotness in their gene pool. Jay explains that, as the sculptor, Simone will be so in love with his piece of art that the girls will come to life. Kayla says that at this point, they've posed with male models in nearly every photo shoot and she's used to it. She figures she might as well go with the flow. Ann is really into art, and likes this artistic theme. She thinks she'll probably do well. As long as she doesn't have to talk, I think Ann does well by default.

Jane is up first, and stands with her sculptor lover. She tells us that she's been criticized for being stiff before, but in this case it might work to her advantage. She does not start off so well. Jay thinks that her performance is very posey, then tells her it shows that she's not in a relationship. She seems a little taken aback by this. Jay asks what she's passionate about, and she says that she was passionate about playing lacrosse. Jay tells her to go there inside, or it's not going to work. Apparently, thinking of a lacrosse stick does not bring out adequate levels of lust because Jane's performance continues to be poor. Nigel says somewhat sharply that he wants her to model. He needs to see more, and though he's getting the poses and the look, there's no love or lust. Jay asks Jane what she's thinking about, and she says she's trying to make her eyes big. He tells her to stop thinking, because this is becoming a male fragrance ad. Jane starts crying, because she thinks she blew it. Jay tells her that this is the first time in the competition that he's seen a genuine emotion out of her. She tearfully says that she's trying to figure out who she is. Jay gives the trite yet solid advice that she shouldn't try to be perfect, because perfection is boring. It's okay to let go and be herself. Jane admits that hearing that she doesn't have a personality has led her to have a bit of an identity crisis. She wants to be able to take criticism, but is frustrated because it seems like she's really blowing it. As Jane tearfully promises that she'll do better, we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model




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