America's Next Top Model

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When we return, Chelsey is sweating her ass off and wants to strip down. That's one way to make a buona impressione. Finally, at 3:10, Chelsey, Ann and Kayla stumble upon Versace. At this time, Chris and Jane have been outfitted and are instructed to walk. Jane goes first, and her walk is really burly. This is the first time that the lacrosse player thing has made sense. Angelo says that Jane is fresh, but needs to work on her terrible walk. While Chris walks, the three newcomers decide to reapply the makeup that has sweated off. The poor clothes that these girls will put on! Versace duds should never be exposed to mere mortal sweat. Only the sweat of angels, which smells like rosewater, will do. Chris walks, and Angelo says that, "The fit was a little bit a not very good. Not for what is the trend, at the moment." He then says that she looks like a model from the '80s. Is he calling her fat?

At 3:45, Chris and Jane emerge from the building and Chris is euphoric about her go-and-see experience. Meanwhile, Chelsey finally gets to walk. She tells us that she was nervous, and that even though Angelo seemed to like her walk he was very quick, and didn't seem to think she was super special or anything. Angelo would thus be of a mind with the rest of us. I mean, Chelsey's thing is that she's fine and usually competent, and she should just embrace that. Angelo tells us that Chelsey had a good fit, but her look is a bit "two seasons ago." That at least we can blame on Tyra. Kayla is next, and tells us that, whether or not she gets booked, she's really just happy to be walking in Versace and getting the experience. Angelo says that Kayla has a beautiful and fresh face. He'd maybe book her for editorial, but not for a show.

When Chelsey is done with her Versace go-see at 4:15 p.m., she splits with the rest of the girls. Really, there would be no reason to wait around. She notes that Milan is huge and there are no proper street signs. Rather, the streets are marked on the sides of buildings and they're very hard to find. She asks directions to the Metro. Meanwhile, Jane and Chris consult a map, and wonder if they should try to make it to another go-see or are better off just going back to IMG. They have two full hours left! At least make a half-assed attempt. Meanwhile, Ann is walking at Versace. Angelo asks her if she's scared of the heels. Ann says they're a little bit big, then takes down her hair for him. Angelo tells us that Ann is very good, and even though her walk is terrible she's perfect because she's tall and has a perfect body. That's discouraging, isn't it? I mean, nothing against Ann, but if she has the perfect body we're all pretty much screwed. And I was really looking forward to my second career as a Versace model! This all just shows that, even though Tyra tries to convince us that skill and determination play a factor in these things, it really just comes down to genetics. Angelo says that he would book Ann for print and shows. It doesn't even matter that she looks like she has a peg leg when she walks.

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America's Next Top Model




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