America's Next Top Model

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If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere

The girls head to Elite Model Management, where they meet Karen Lee, Elite North America's director of scouting. She is totally Canadian. She introduces one of Elite's top models, Kristy Hinze. Karen explains what go-sees are. And if you don't know at this point, child, I don't know what to do with you. Look it up. They're very important to a model's career, and it's paramount for a model to give a good impression. Kristy tells them to be confident when they meet a client, even if they're ultimately rejected. This last part is an important caveat for the bulk of these bitches. The girls will be broken up into two groups of four. Each group will get a Sprint navigational cell phone to help them with directions. And since most up and coming models can't afford to take taxis -- don't make Tyra tell you about the time she had to walk from Paris to Manhattan, mon dieu, the blisters! -- they'll be walking. With the sage and wholly original advice that there's no second chance to make a first impression, the girls are off!

Team one is Claire, Dominique, Stacy-Ann and Whitney. They give Claire the phone, because she's a New Yorker. So really, they were like, "Just punch some numbers into the phone and then take us where we need to go." Claire says that her mothering instincts were coming out. I would rather have to get a cranky toddler to three go-sees than Dominique, for sure. Team two is Lauren, Anya, Katarzyna, and Fatima. Lauren thought this task would be easy because she knows New York, but Anya insisted on grabbing the phone and taking the lead. Maybe she thought somehow she was going to get a signal from her home planet? After stomping down the street for a bit Anya just looks at the phone and goes, "Why are we going the opposite way?" Why, indeed. Katarzyna wisely suggests starting over. I think she means with casting.

Claire thinks that her team is great, but is worried about the dynamic between Whitney and Dominique. Dominique, however, is infused with the team spirit and is determined not to let the bitch get to her. Team one makes it to designer Pamela Rolland. Whitney tells us she's fully prepared to face the plus-sized model's dilemma, which is basically a confidence-shattering bunch of commentary from some shitty, coked-up designer. Team two heads to designer Shoshanna. Lauren is nervous about the go-sees because she's going to have to be tame and watch what she says, and doesn't want to offend someone she doesn't know. She really is a beast inside! Team two meets with Shoshanna Gruss, who really does design cute clothes and was at one time the jailbait girlfriend of Jerry Seinfeld. What is the deal with guys in their late 30's dating high school students? I think it all goes to prove that billions of dollars is the best makeover you can get. Shoshanna tells the girls that she wants models with a good energy. Lauren interviews that the judges always call her on her lack of confidence, but really she just doesn't want to act like a jackass in front of strangers, like she normally does. I guess it's...good to be self-aware?

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America's Next Top Model

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