America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 1 USERS: A-
What It Do, Shorty?

Next up we have mama Rae, whose daughter is named Aria. But Rae has suffered some tragedy in her life. She was abducted from a gas station, hit over the head with a bottle, pulled into a stranger's car, sexually assaulted and beaten. Holy castrated cow. The person then dropped Rae off at another gas station. She explains that this happened to her and is a part of who she is, and she's dealt from it. She is ready to move on, and wants this horrific incident to serve some sort of purpose. I have to say, Rae seems very healthy in the mind about this. Jay says that her strength is so palpable that she won't even have to open her mouth to express it -- it will come through on film.

Next up is Rachel, 18 from Woodland, California, who was called "Bambi Eyes" by her classmates in school. I'm sure it felt mean at the time, but it's pretty whimsical compared to "Bloody Eyeball." Her eyes are indeed huge, and Rachel says she's good at showing emotion through them. Tyra challenges Rachel to go through a range of emotions using her eyes, and Rachel obliges. She is very, very skinny. Tyra loves her odd, quirky, interesting, special face.

Next up is Allison, 21 from Santa Rosa, California. She's the modeling teacher, and instructs in such subjects as grooming, etiquette, photo posing, and portfolio arrangement. Tyra asks Allison to teach Miss J. something, and then is horrified by the lesson. Allison loves runway, even though she's really too short to be on the catwalks of Paris and Milan, so it's sad that she has to express her passion by being Director of Modeling in a place that's probably located in a strip mall.

Then we have Raven, 19 from Knoxville, Tennessee, who enters by doing a cartwheel that ends in a split. She's sort of like a black Mary Lou Retton as Peter Pan. She makes Miss J. have to tinkle. Raven never felt like she was pretty or tall enough to be a model. Well, she isn't. Raven's spoiled and has a temper and thinks she's really cute. When she leaves Jay asks Miss J., "Can you work with that?" It's a legit question.

With that, its time for the first cut! Jay tells the gaggle of girls that some of them will be participating in a run-through for Tyra's Le Cycle 13 Collection. Collection of what? Weaves that she eschewed for National Real Hair Day? Kiss My Fat Ass jeans? In any case, 12 of the girls will be cut right now. There is a garment bag hanging for each girl -- if there is no garment inside, they are dismissed. If there is, it's on to the glamour of Le Cycle 13 Collection of Mystery! Bianca and Crazy Face Amber and Crutches and Castrator Laura and Bambi Eyes and Bloody Eyeball all make it, along with the others that we've come to know and at least somewhat enjoy. Oh, except for Raven. I hope she can find a Lost Boy to comfort her. She plans to go home and continue what she was doing before, which was nothing. Knowing that I'll be working until midnight to finish this recap, that frankly doesn't sound so bad. Modeling teacher Allison also doesn't get a garment. She feels like kind of a loser, which she is. She says that she deserved this. She actually might have stood a chance if she didn't have so many horrible ingrained modeling school habits, which she then will impart unto other aspiring models, thus ensuring that they, too, will fail in all of their attempts to break into the industry. Way to pay the misery forward.

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America's Next Top Model




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