America's Next Top Model

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What It Do, Shorty?

And then there's Sundai, who squeals and screams her way into the room. Tyra first has Sundai pull back her hair, which I'm guessing is so that we'll be able to see the tears more clearly. Tyra asks Sundai about her childhood, and Sundai explains that it was all pretty hard. Her dad left when she and her sister were very young, and though her mom and sister are great now, both of them were evil before. Sundai's mom used to beat her and her sister, and once it was so bad that they ended up in foster care. Eventually, they were adopted. Her voice quavers as she says that being in the orphanage was the worst part. Instead of treated, she got tricked. Instead of kisses, she got kicks. But somehow, she managed to become a good person instead of a bad one. She reminds us that she always dreamed of modeling to fill the emptiness inside, but being so short it's almost impossible. Until Tyra Warbanks came along! Commercials.

We return to more Adventures of Crazyface Amber! Amber apparently likes to dance very badly. The others look at her performance in horror. Bianca tells us that Amber is psychotic and quite immature. She caps off her statement with, "Something is wrong with her." It's hard to argue with that. Bianca tells Amber that it isn't that she doesn't like her. Rather, she's just really annoying, which Bianca pronounces as "a-KNOW-ing." Bianca is a-knowing that Amber is getting on her last nerve. Amber is a-knowing that the other girls may hate on her, but she's still going to be herself. A questionable decision if I do say so. But Amber is intent upon improving, getting stronger in the Lord, getting loving...er, and helping more people. Amber already is helping a lot of people with this virtual PSA on mental illness.

Amber goes before Tyra and the Jays. She prances in with crazy body to match her crazy face. Jay asks what's with the affected nature and crazy hat. Amber says that the hat is her grandmother's, and is wonderful luck. Amber announces that she's a Christian and knows that Jesus Christ is real. She sings a little song about Jesus being her best friend. It goes, "Jesus, you're my best friend." And then the editors either mercifully cut us off, or that's the end of the song. Catchy! Crazyface Amber feeds the homeless on Friday nights, and will rap or sing or dance for the homeless, too. Haven't those people faced enough adversity in life? Not only does Amber dance for the homeless, but she actually shakes her booty for the homeless while exclaiming, "Shake your booty! Shake that thing!" And you know, the Lord wouldn't give us all booties if He didn't want us to shake them. Tyra is outwardly horrified yet secretly delighted at the footage that Amber has provided, and after Amber leaves the room Jay predicts a breakdown in her near future.

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America's Next Top Model

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