America's Next Top Model
Highlights and Catfights

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at she didn't care if Alexandria heard her or not. Further words ensued. While we got to see all that drama, what we missed was Hannah having a meltdown over her critique from Nigel. He told her that she wasn't that memorable, and Hannah freaked out. She cries and cries and tells us through her runny mascara that she doesn't know how to be memorable, and she feels like who she is is enough. She doesn't want to be the girl next door if it means that she's just the girl next door, she says, and then through hyperventilating sobs she exclaims that she's so [gasp, sob] much [gasp, sob] more [gasp gasp gasp] than that. She's obviously in quite a bit of distress, but for some reason it's kind of hilarious. I mean, for the usual reasons I suppose.

The day after the Warriors in Pink photo shoot, the girls' resentment against Alexandria reached its zenith. The girls began their shit talk at sunrise, and continued for what appears to be at least 14 hours straight. Kasia welcomed the evening by saying that if the ad had been for liquor, Alexandria might have been a good role model. Alexandria tells us that the other girls might not think that she deserved to win, but they don't know her. Kasia adds that she's glad that Brittani told Alexandria how it is, probably because she then didn't have to. Mikaela and Alexandria both compare her new car prize to a cherry on top of a sundae, but in Mikaela's version it's a fucked up sundae.

The next photo shoot was on the Universal backlot set at the notorious Bates hotel, featured in the movie Psycho. The girls were supposed to be crazy for fashion, and Jaclyn excelled by looking like The Joker. There's something about a baby face and smeared lipstick that works every time. Meanwhile, Mikaela's portrayal of a shopping fanatic fell flat, despite living many girls' yard sale dreams. At panel, all sorts of drama went down as a result of Alexandria's highly controversial challenge win and Brittani's inability to keep her mouth shut when it counts. Tyra told Brittani that she was a weak role model herself. The judges couldn't get past Brittani's apparent unapologetic attitude, which caused her to panic and flee the judging room. When it came time to deliberate, the panel had plenty to consider. Tyra, of course, thought that they should boot Brittani, but the other judges disagreed. Backstage, we see a more annoying side of Alexandria than we did initially, as she tells Jaclyn that she was finally able to see her mean, coldhearted side when she stood by smiling as Brittani reamed her. Why would you do the equivalent of kicking a really adorable puppy just when people are starting to feel bad for you? Brittani found herself in the bottom two for her unbecoming attitude and lack of sportsmanship, but ultimately Tyra was overruled by the other judges and it was Mikaela who was sent home.

On the limo ride home after panel, Brittani and Alexandria hashed things out. Brittani even admitted that she and Alexandria could be friends if Alexandria didn't have that whole whack side. She apologized, and Alexandria thanked her for apologizing, which may be a different thing than apology acceptance. Alexandria confirmed for us that she's not dumb, but she is a forgiver. To show their newfound maybe-friendship, the two of them danced around the house stupidly together. If only someone thought to try this in the Middle East. Maybe installing a runway on the Gaza Strip would help?

The girls learned that they'd be traveling to Morocco for their overseas adventure, or at least five of six of them would be. This led to more bonding between Brittani and Alexandria. While everyone packed, Molly wondered if she should bring her ripped-out weave along. Turned out that she had grown quite attached to her little horrible hair baby, as long as it wasn't actually on her head. Tyra tells us that in the history of Top Model, no one had quite the hair problems that Molly did. It turns out that Molly's baby-fine hair just couldn't handle this kind of weave, which I'm guessing almost anyone with eyes or fingers or common sense could have predicted. When Tyra saw it in panel, she actually felt kind of bad about it. This didn't stop her from trying to force this hair upon Molly twice. But eventually Tyra had it taken out for good, which allowed Molly the option to send it home and have a sweater made.

The girls headed to go-sees. Tyra says that she was so tired of girls on Top Model not making it to go-sees that she got everyone their own car and driver. What she did not give them was a GPS, or the ability to get directional advice from said drivers. Alexandria triumphed by knowing her way around L.A., charming everyone, and landing a worldwide Lana Marks ad campaign.

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America's Next Top Model

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