America's Next Top Model

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I Be Like Ugh

We first see Angelea in the recording studio, and she assures us that she's got the Pot Ledom situation under control. Her voice doesn't sound half bad, either. After Angelea goes, Lisa realizes that she should go last to avoid copycat performances by the others. She refers to "her craft," which I guess is "being weird on reality TV." We then cut to Shannon, who actually has a chance to be rival to Rebecca Black. I be like whoa, you are really tone deaf. By her own admission, Shannon is not the best singer, but her strategy is to have so much fun that you are fooled into believing that she's good, because she's having such a time of it. I think she actually just summed up the Taylor Swift strategy quite nicely. It's a vocal technique called, "Look at how pretty my hair is when I twirl!" Shannon adds a little rap at the end of her song. Because she's so fun! Meanwhile, Allison's face is completely red from crying. She tells us that having to work the whole Pot Ledom thing into a song involving her family (e.g., something that is not degrading and idiotic like everything else on this show) is making her more emotional than she would be otherwise. As she says she doesn't know if she can do it at all, we head to commercials.

When we return, Allison tells us that, after a long emotional moment, she pulled it together and reworked her song. In a very forlorn manner, she says she hopes it will all work out. We then hear a bit of Allison recording her song, which is completely creepy-awesome. Angelea tells us that she underestimated Allison, who appears to be frustratingly good at everything. It's true that not only is the song cool, but Allison seems to be a fairly decent singer. She creepy-whispers "Top Model backwards" over a floaty "Top Ledom" hook, because she's a genius. Well-played, lady. Dominique goes for brownie points with a song called "Tooch Ya Booty," while Laura's "Southern Sweet Girl" reaches depths of tone-deafness not seen since Shannon took her turn. Lisa's advice to her is not to quit modeling. Funny, my advice to Lisa is to quit modeling!

Speaking of quitting or not quitting modeling, there's Alexandria. She has shades on in the studio, and tells us that with some time, dedication, and practice, she could be a recording artist. She sounds suspiciously okay, but trust me that this won't last. Also, her song seems to have been engineered by German men in lab coats. Then there's Lisa. She's definitely comfortable in the studio, and does a good job of delivering her track, "I Be Like Whoa." She spits out her lyrics in a confident "white lady rapper wearing a neon headband" kind of way. It's her brand! Lisa is very hung up on everyone seeing that she's the queen of all trades, and there's nothing she loves to do more than perform. Yeah, on the last part, I think we got it. Lisa works in her Pot Ledom line by rapping, "And just in case y'all ain't wizards / Pot Ledom is Top Model spelled backwards / Ha." I guess Angelea IS a wizard since she was the one who originally figured that out. Now things are starting to make sense. And that's a wrap! Tom dismisses the ladies to do whatever they do while he prepares the audio tracks for their upcoming video shoot. And let me tell you, Tom does way too good of a job, because these tracks turn out to be very listenable. I hope he got hazard pay.

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America's Next Top Model




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