America's Next Top Model

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I Be Like Ugh

Soon, Jay Manuel enters the house and tells the ladies that throughout the competition they have been working on ways in which celebrities can become household names. And what better way to take your celebrity up a notch than to go viral. Yes, the girls are creating sex tapes! Awesome. Oh, wait, no. The girls will be writing songs and starring in their very own music videos. Jay introduces music producer Tom Polce of CBS Records, who will help each model write and perform her song. And then Jay loses what little credibility he had by saying, "Think how going viral worked for Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber." The Bieber part, okay, fine. But Rebecca Black? She went viral for performing the worst song ever written terribly! That bitch, like, has to be homeschooled now! I mean, she actually seems lovely and I'm sure she made some cash. But, really. This is something to aspire to? Lisa is excited about this challenge, because she's a phenomenal musical talent. The lyric "poppin' bottles with Top Model" didn't write itself, people. You know who is not excited? Allison. She looks like she is about to throw up. Jay tells the ladies that the challenge for the week is to write lyrics to their viral hit in a mere 20 minutes after hearing their background tracks. From deep within a fur scarf, Allison tells us that this is an excellent challenge for people who sing. But she doesn't sing. And, credits!

When we return, Jay explains that in addition to being their helper, music producer Tom Polce will be the challenge judge. The winner of the challenge will have a special loved one flown in for the night. Shannon perks up at this, since she hasn't seen her husband in over a month and would love nothing more than to have a late-night Bible study with him. The 20 minutes starts ticking down, and the girls disperse with their headphones, legal pads, and pens. Angelea says that her track sounds kind of like battle music that signifies climbing your way to the top, and so she writes corresponding lyrics. She sings a few bars that go, "Here I stand, ready to win, I ain't going nowhere." Alexandria doesn't know what to do with her song. Tom asks what mood it evokes. The track makes Alexandria want to dance, so Tom suggests that she go with that. Oh, a song about dancing! That's unique. Alexandria explains to us that her song is kind of about moving through life. She speaks her lyrics aloud, because they only make sense in the context of poetry: "I'm never gonna stop / I make my own clock / Now watch me go, go, go." So Alexandria is going to become a clockmaker? I think that's a good career choice for her, actually. Alexandria says she's learned that great masterpieces can be made in 20 minutes. How has no one punched her in the giant forehead yet?

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America's Next Top Model




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