America's Next Top Model

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Model Madness!

The girls return home to see Kayla's second consecutive best photo displayed as digital art. She does a happy dance, and Jane says that she just likes to gyrate her hips. It's a gay thing. Kayla feels that she's getting stronger and stronger, and notes that she's been completely open and honest in the competition. She goes on and on about her success and Jane retorts, "I don't really like that picture that much." It seems jokey, but then she interviews, "Oh my God, oh my God. Kayla, please, like, shut up." Kayla mentions that the judges are looking for the whole package, including personality, and of course this strikes a little terror into the heart of Ann. She reminds us that she was always the tall kid growing up and was quite shy. Others made fun of her, so she really didn't socialize much. And then in one of those really endearing Ann moments she says, "I've gotten a lot better...you probably can't tell." But she knows that she still has problems presenting herself. She resolves to bring more energy to every task this week, and says that maybe she'll do jumping jacks to rile herself up. This is one situation where drugs might actually be the answer, just for a little while. And yes, I've just spun us off into a particularly poignant Afterschool Special.

Tyra Mail! "Modeling is 100% you and 50% who you know. Love, Tyra." The next day, the girls put on their short shorts and are whisked off to meet Miss J., whose hair puff and eyebrows have grown exponentially. Maybe he's on couture steroids. He tells the girls that when they go on castings, personality is key. If they want to be successful models, they have to feel and deliver the emotion that the designer wants. Having personality and making a powerful first impression is crucial in getting booked. J. then brings out acting coach Barbara Terrinoni, who's going to teach them how to be expressive and show more emotion. Ann reminds us of her disastrous roller-skating commercial, and tells us that she's nervous about this turn of events. Barbara tries to make the girls feel at ease by saying that all actors are shy, but on stage they are lions. "Be a lions," she tells them. The girls just stand there, rightfully looking confused.

Barbara asks the girls to present their names, and then tries to teach Jane how to project her voice. When Ann presents her name, Barbara laughs and yells, "Are you sure you are alive?!?" Chelsey finds this uproariously funny and again expounds on her opinion that Ann struggles in terms of personality and emoting. Barbara tells Ann to smile and then says, "Not like Frankenstein." Oh, poor Ann. Barbara then has the girls act like mental patients, which entails laughing, screaming, running around and asking for help. Jane tells us that when you model you need to create a mentality and persona, so acting is very connected. When it's Ann's turn to run around and yell in terror, her scream is equivalent to an asthmatic inhale. Kayla has to wipe away tears of laughter. Poor Ann, for the second time in the paragraph. She tells us that it sounded like a scream in her head, and acknowledges that she's probably mumbling even in her interview. The irony of it all, of course, is that Ann actually has a very distinct and endearing personality that makes her probably the most interesting person on this show. It's just not the type of personality that's good in a job interview.

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America's Next Top Model

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