America's Next Top Model
Erin Wasson

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Life's a Ball

The Jays, Russell and Erin critique the girls. Jay makes fun of the two hands on the hips, while I think Miss J. says that they all walked like they were on an overdose of Viagra. What does that even mean? I think he's just trying to throw off our brains so we don't start to question how this challenge is even critique-able. Brittani is the only one who did anything good, so she gets major props. Erin is impressed that nobody died, and so is going to gift each girl a piece of her jewelry. Hope they like giant crosses!

Back at the house, the dreaded skull and crossbones appears on the girls' Tyra Mail screen. Somebody is going home. Dominique hopes that the panel will not be fazed by her impression of a drunken gerbil and put her through for another week. Alexandria, meanwhile, has apparently decided to take Jaclyn on as her mentee. Molly says that Alexandria treats Jaclyn like a four-year old, and we see Alexandria trying to impart a lesson on the runway. It will not surprise you that there is absolutely no evidence that Alexandria knows what she's doing. She does tell us that she spent the past year modeling and did L.A. Fashion Week and New York Fashion Week, and what we get to see for ourselves is that she wears a hat in tribute to the one Madonna wore in the "Borderline" video. With elimination week coming up, Alexandria feels secure. She also has an irresistible urge to spray paint Greek statues. As Alexandria harps on some more, Jaclyn says, "I feel like you're my mother." She does not mean it in a good way, I don't think. Jaclyn says that she might not have as much experience as some of the other girls, but she hopes the judges see that she has the potential to learn and grow. As Alexandria ties Jaclyn's shoelaces for her, we head to commercials.

When we return, it's panel time! We get a moment of backstage glory, when Tyra enters wearing leggings and a t-shirt featuring a likeness of ALT on it. ALT is thrilled and delighted, while Nigel simply says, "It's very cute." Tyra has a hipster wig on, which just makes her look dirty. Not as dirty as Ren, certainly, but dirtier than usual. The girls enter and Tyra tells them that Top Model has made a lot of changes. Yes, the curtain behind the judges is now sapphire blue! Can you handle it? Tyra then says, "I am paying homage to high fashion right now by sporting the lovely Andre Leon Talley on my bod-day. And he feels so goooood." As she says this last bit she runs her hands down her torso, and I want to die. It's creepy enough when Tyra and Nigel hump each other a little bit. I do not want ALT to become involved. Tyra introduces the judges. Nigel of course is there. ALT is back wearing...I don't know what...on his chapeau. I think it's a big makeup brush, maybe? It's just sort of waving around in the back, all fluffy like. The guest judge for the day is of course supermodel and designer Erin Wasson. The prizes are the same as last year: a contract with IMG, a spread in Italian Vogue and a cover and spread in Beauty in Vogue, a feature on Vogue Italia's website, and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl.

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America's Next Top Model

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