America's Next Top Model
Erin Wasson

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Life's a Ball

When we return, we get to see Ondrei's magical spill once more, along with wacky sound effects because this is like a really high-fashion version of Wipeout. Poor Ondrei can't attend to her concussion because she has to figure out how the heck to maneuver her plastic ball back to land, which, as it turns out, is no easy task. There is a lot of futile spinning and falling before she finally makes it. Ondrei handles the situation with as much grace as is called for, which is none.

Molly is up next. There's a contestant named Molly? She's the one who looks like that other one. She does not fall. Sara walks like a mental patient pacing maniacally, and almost slips on her way back to land, but manages to catch herself and the ball and continue on without total humiliation. In this case, it's a victory. Kasia walks clumsily but also manages to save herself from watery embarrassment, while Dalya is careful but deadly slow. Jay makes fun of the fact that she puts her hands on her hips the whole time, like how dare she be so gauche while walking in a high-fashion hamster ball. Hannah's pass is uneventful but for the fact that she's so pretty. Brittani decides that she's going to kill it, and actually kind of does. She's got great pacing and works it as much as possible from inside a plastic ball. Jay is impressed. Angelia has very precarious balance but somehow manages not to fall in the water, while Mikaela maintains stability even while looking through her perma-sleepy eyes.

Dominique is next to walk down the watery plank, and from her first step it is evident that there is trouble afoot. She thinks that she got a defective, particularly wobbly bubble. An interesting theory, given that I think there is only one bubble for all the girls. She might want to rethink which element here is wobbly and defective. On her return pass, the bubble slips to the left and she falls, much to the delight of the audience. She appears to land right on her tailbone, which I'm sure feels great. For a minute I lost my mind and forgot about the red confetti in the bubble and thought there was a giant pool of blood sloshing around in there. I wondered why nobody seemed more freaked out. To her credit, Dominique attempts to turn her struggle to reach dry land into a piece of modern dance, and Miss J. cracks up as she flops around. Dominique intends to end this bitch with a bang, and so gives a pose when she finally is out of the water. Then she gives birth to thirteen babies and tears six of them limb from limb for her lunch. Life is cruel sometimes.

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America's Next Top Model




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