America's Next Top Model

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Blinded by the Light
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on America's Next Top Model: Thirteen lucky ladies moved into their New York City pad and then were off to do their first runway show. Sandra was/is possibly a crack fiend. The girls captured "the beauty of innocence" at their photo shoot, which had them dressed as little girls and playing games while bad influence extras (including a pregnant boozer) looked on. Isabella didn't seem likely to actually have a seizure during the first several episodes, and so was sent home. Twelve bitches remain! Na na na na na na.

It is night in New York City. The girls return home after elimination to find Allison's best-of-the-week photo displayed digitally. She says it's a strange feeling to see it. I'm guessing Allison's feelings about everything are more or less strange. Fo loves her second-place photo and says she feels like she has potential. Meanwhile, Aminat is mad as hell that Isabella went home. She says that Sandra should have gone home, and if she had been eliminated the rest of the girls would have foregone the de rigueur hugs in favor of a curt, "Bye bitch." That sounds about right. Not content to keep her opinions to herself, Aminat asks Sandra if she comes off bitchy. Sandra thinks she stands up for herself. You know, in a bitchy way. Aminat tells her that everyone was sad about Isabella's ouster, and adds that the better person went home. Sandra doesn't engage, but does interview that the others can think what they want to because at the end of the day it's all about her. Sadly, I'm guessing that will probably be true. She adds a quiet "bitch" as she reaches the top of the stairs and Aminat is nowhere nearby. Way to stand up for yourself, Sandy!

Jessica, meanwhile, is trying not to take what the judges said too personally. She tells us that she didn't agree with the judges, who thought that she was resting on "pretty." If Jessica had a brain in that big head of hers she would know that there's nothing Tyra likes to do more (with the exception of eating ribs) than break down a girl who thinks she's all that. Jessica uses a giant silver ball to predict her future in the competition. The silver ball tells her she's going to kick some ass in the next photo shoot. Frankly I think a Magic 8 Ball would have been a more reliable option.

There is Tyra Mail! "Whether it's on the streets or the sidewalk you'll be turning heads. Love, Tyra." The next morning the girls head outside to see a pink plaid stretch Hummer limo that will be their chariot during their time in New York. Remember how for a minute going green was fashionable and the girls were transported in a bus fueled by Miss J.'s used hair grease? Those days are apparently over. The limo has lots of pink girly flourishes inside, including a photo of Tyra with a bunch of little dogs. When we next see Tyra, she'll be wearing a Pomeranian-pelt coat. Trust.

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America's Next Top Model

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