America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: B | Grade It Now!

There are yet more models to go! Chris has "bony" as her bully word and "slim" as her power word. Jay seems to like what she's doing. Anamaria, per usual, has some stank commentary. She says that the other girls are pretty, but they're small town America girls and she wouldn't look at them twice if she saw them on the street. When it's Anamaria's turn to be photographed, we learn that "bucktooth" is her bully word and "sexy mouth" is her power word. We get a look at Anamaria from the back and side, and there are ribs aplenty. Jay says that his big concern with Anamaria is her body. He didn't see tall, slender body -- he saw bones. Jay tells Anamaria that she's so vascular, and should be aware that she needs to pose in a way that's softer and more feminine. Wait. Is he saying that she looks like blood vessels? Creative genius at work! Anamaria responds that she's been trying so hard to get lean, but it's not working. Well, that's not good, is it? Jay tells her that she doesn't need to get lean, while Deborah Anderson looks on with puzzlement and horror. Anamaria interviews, "I don't give a fuck about what you think, what you have to say. I know how I feel, I know in the mirror what I'm looking back at, and that's all that matters to me." She walks off set on her bony little legs, hip bones jutting out, Afterschool Special music playing. That can't be good.

And finally we make it to Kayla. As the body artists are writing "queer" on her, she says, "This word is so harsh." But it's such a good word, too! Kayla tells us that the shoot felt therapeutic because she had "free" written on her neck. Jay says that Kayla found a way to model through the pain, and she looked breathtaking. That was easy! I guess she got all the emotion out in her heart to heart with Tyra and was thus able to kick butt fearlessly.

And then out of nowhere Demi Lovato visits the girls to talk about how people called her a fat whore when she was twelve. And so she's affiliated somehow with an organization called the Pacer Center that has a website called I still don't understand who the fuck Demi Lovato is, because I'm old. But if she continues to wear that hideous jacket, she deserves all the bullying she gets. As Terra worries about her future in peril, we head to commercials.

Before we get to panel, there's a little film of the backstage pre-panel scene, which involves Tyra air-kissing a sequin-cloaked Andre Leon Talley and Nigel Barker, and welcoming fabulous guest judge Diane von Furstenberg. I do enjoy her, and am a little surprised that she's suffering these fools. Tyra introduces the judges to the girls when they enter, and mentions that, in addition to being a legendary designer, Diane is the president of the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA). She goes over the exciting prizes again, too, and the girls drool and smile crazily.

Tyra explains the bullying theme of the photo shoot, and says that they're paying homage to every young person who's ever been bullied. That's everyone. I guess universally relatable themes are important. Lexie is up first for critique and proudly shows off her elf ears, which are totally covered in her picture. Her eyes look amazing, according to Nigel, and Diane likes the attitude inside that's showing up. Tyra says that's exactly what the exercise was, and Diane's totally like, "Well then let's call it a night and go have a nice rum punch." ALT says that Lexie looks great in the bikini, and Diane's right that the attitude she projects is killer.

Kacey is next, and explains to everyone what "oreo" means. Diane tells Kacey that she does, in fact, look like a Nubian queen, and that she's showing both strength and vulnerability. Tyra doesn't think she looks like a model, though, but could pass for a gorgeous athlete. FYI, Kacey still hasn't gotten contacts. Jane and her big square head are next. ALT says that her body is very, very gauche in her photo, but it's exciting to see her face. Jane has a lot of natural potential, according to Tyra, but needs to take it to the next level. Then there's Kayla, who talks about how freaking hard it was to be the gay girl in Rockford, Illinois. Her voice squeaks and squeaks as she says that it wasn't easy to look at the word "queer" on her body, but smiles when she tells the judges that her power word was "free." ALT thinks that her photo is beautiful. Diane says, "Free is the most beautiful word you could choose, because nothing is more important than freedom. And if you look for the freedom, then you will fly. And you look a little bit like you're just about to fly." How could they not play George Michael right now? But seriously, Diane's on to something -- Kayla does look like she's just about to fly. Also, Diane totally wants to give her a hug. So does ALT. Tyra tells Kayla that she photographs absolutely beautifully, and is only going to get better because she's out and proud and honest. She sends her back to the lineup with an enthusiastic, "Now go on back and be happy!" Top three for sure.

Liz, the mutt slash biracial beauty, is next. Nigel says that the photograph is funky and punky, and he likes the curve in Liz's nose. The great thing about a mutt, he says, is that you are so many different things. ALT is impressed with Liz in person, but the photo doesn't do it for him. Esther is next, and ALT says that there's so much awkwardness in her photo that he can't relate to it. This from a guy in a sequined cloak! He does think that she's beautiful, though. Tyra reminds Liz not to push her giant melons out in a photo, and remains impressed by her ability to hide them under normal circumstances. Kendal is next, and Diane tells her that she's glamorous and much more beautiful than her photograph. ALT commends Kendal on the naturalness of her gazelle-like stance, and the alignment of her colonne vertebrale -- also known as a spine.

Sara is next, and ALT is not impressed with her photo at all. Tyra says that she needs to bring a little more oomph and high fashion to her face, so she doesn't just look like some sexy girl in Maxim. Something tells me that Sara would be just fine being a sexy girl in Maxim/. Next we have soup cooler Terra. Nigel doesn't understand the picture, in which she's holding one bathing suit strap that she's untied. It really is pretty weird. ALT says that she's projecting lusciousness, and not luscious lips. Tyra says that she might have considered holding the string in her mouth, to bring attention to her lips. Her Lucious Lips. Modeling is trying not to go with the obvious, Tyra says, and dismisses Terra in a friendly manner. Chris is up next, and Diane tells her that she needs to go stronger in her photo. Nigel agrees that if you go there, you really have to go there.

Chelsey is next, and looks cross-eyed and bucktoothed. Naturally, the judges love it. ALT says it's gorgeous, and that he sees strength and confidence. Tyra tells Chelsey that her eyes look possessed, in a good way. Like some kind of Casper revenge fantasy. In any case: raves. Rhianna is next and ALT can't understand her "undefinable" photo. However, he does think that she has potential. Diane loves the word undefinable. She encourages Rhianna to lengthen her neck, and continue to be undefinable. I sure hope I can rock a style caftan and real tan like Diane von Furstenberg when I'm 110.

Anamaria is next. Nigel tells her that she's very slim and needs to learn how to work her angles. For example, she should turn her bony pelvis away from the camera. Tyra takes this moment to get serious and message-y, and tells Anamaria that this picture was chosen because her body is covered. In her other film, her body doesn't look healthy, and it made Tyra very uncomfortable. We get a small montage of disturbing poses from Anamaria, and Anamaria says that the others might see it, but she doesn't. She likes her body, and says she likes looking in the mirror and seeing her abs. ALT looks horrified, while Diane von Furstenberg looks vaguely amused. She probably sees this shit day in and day out. Tyra says that there's a point where a designer or magazine editor would even say that it's too much. Diane pipes in and says that, as the President of the CFDA, beauty is health, and if you lose your health you lose your beauty. All the poor, ugly invalids and chronically ill people in the world shake their heads in dismay. Anamaria looks like she can't even believe this shit. Not so much the eating disorder part, but the fact that they've obviously cast her to make an example of her.

Finally, there's Ann. Despite the fact that she's proportionately just as skinny as Anamaria, the judges go apeshit for her photo. Tyra shouts out, "J'adore!" and there are cries of "amazing!" ALT sees an aristocratic, European vibe of elegance, and Diane tells Ann that she could be a big model. Ann says that it's overwhelming to hear so many elite people telling her she's beautiful because she's tall. Tyra reminds her that it's more difficult for a 6'2" model to get signed, but once she's in she could be huge. Metaphorically.

The judges deliberate. Lexie embraced her uniqueness, and ALT loves it. Tyra says that Kacey's picture isn't dreckitude, but it's almost there. Nigel thinks it's ironic that Jane's issue is her face, when her body is what caused all her problems in the photo. What showed in Kayla's photograph is vulnerability, and Diane thinks that's what makes it interesting. Tyr

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America's Next Top Model




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