America's Next Top Model

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Clips and Dips

Previously: Nicole is America's First Next Top Petite Model! All right! But there were many who came before her. This clip episode is a tale of how 14 became one. This takes me back to the glorious heyday of the Spice Girls. I need some clips like I never needed clips before (show me clips of shorties, baby). Tyra tries to convince us that short became chic during this cycle. In reality, I don't think Dolly Parton is over 5'0". Short has always been fabulous. There were surprises this cycle, including a surprise elimination, and lots of beautiful scenery. And, of course, stunning photo shoots. I actually love the clip show, because it reminds me of all the bitches who, as they left in weeks one through eight, also left my memory (e.g. Stank Bianca II!).

We begin at the beginning, when Top Model decided a stunt season was in order and opened the competition up to girls 5'7" and under. We see a bevy of young women in line to audition, but not the ones who had that riot in New York. Tyra says that one of these girls would have the opportunity to become the next Kate Moss. I wouldn't go that far, though I think that if any of these bitches stands a shot, it's certainly Nicole. Though I also don't see her embracing the bullshittery of the fashion industry. I'm still pulling for her to take her money and go to art school. There was record turnout as the disenfranchised mini-model-wannabes from all over the country embraced their one and only semi-shot at success.

Thirty two lucky ladies were invited to the Los Angeles Biltmore to try out for Tyra's "Le Cycle 13." And then, post traumatic flashback! Tyra spoke in a "French accent" and talked about breaking and kicking the box. You always knew she was never really pro-ladyparts. Each of the finalists got measured against a big chart on the wall, like they were in kindergarten. Sundai actually looked like she could be a pre-schooler. Oh, and hey! Remember Crazy Amber? Oh, yeah. We saw each of the girls bring their A game as they auditioned for Tyra and the Jays, but what we did not see was Tyra take a walk down the runway with Stank Bianca II. Bianca goes to Howard University, and is in the Howard fashion shows. Bianca gets ready to do what they call the "queen walk," and Tyra wants to join in. It's just one more opportunity for Tyra to act a fool. We allow it because we know it makes her feel relatable. Bianca tells us that she has confidence, presence, and an aura about herself. An aura of stank, as we were soon to learn. The color of that aura is poison center sticker green.

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America's Next Top Model




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