America's Next Top Model

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At this point in the competition, Raina really started missing her boyfriend. Fortunately, she was able to create a substitute. Her boyfriend sent her a kit to create "the perfect man," which includes an actual washboard where a perfect man should have washboard abs. Oh my God, Raina's boyfriend is as big a dork as she is. Who thought it was possible? But oh Mylanta! Said perfect man also has an elephant where his genitals would be. Raina says it was goofy and cute, which is what the perfect man is. Maybe they'll get married and actually buy the house from Full House, complete with Uncle Joey.

At the next photo shoot, the models had to embrace fake and push through excessive styling to create a fierce photo. Jessica broke out of her commercial box and blew Jay away with her dynamic posing. Tatianna, however, couldn't capture the creativity that the shoot demanded. At panel, the judges worried that Tatianna's desire to be a model wasn't strong enough, and that her good shots -- which were few and far between -- were actually flukes. She was sent back to the continent of Hawaii to continue her dream of becoming a mortician.

After weeks of togetherness, the girls realized that Raina was speaking her own, very annoying language. This language is comprised of one phrase: "Oh, Mylanta!" Raina has no idea what this means, but just says it. Angelea and Krista both mock it in their interviews, and Krista ends with a pointed, "What the hell? Who are you?" DJ Tanner. I mean, really. Or, as Raina herself says, a ninja. A really, really terrible ninja.

By week six, the house was divided. We all remember that epic limo fight, don't we? Krista says that there are the real people in the house -- herself, Angelea, Anslee, and Alasia -- and the needy fake people -- Brenda, Raina and Jessica. What we didn't see was Angelea trying to convince Jessica that she was hanging out with the wrong crew. Angelea tells Jessica to watch out for Brenda, because she's sneaky as hell and will try to twist her words. Jessica isn't buying it, and says she's heard the same things from both sides of the divide. She doesn't have to choose between the two. Jessica tells Angelea and Alasia that she has no problem with the two of them. Krista, however, doesn't like Jessica, and so Jessica calls her dumb. Alasia tells Jessica not to talk about Krista behind her back, and that if she doesn't like her she doesn't need to sell a whole house about it. I don't know what that means, but find it rather lyrical. Jessica points out that everyone in the house has had their fair share of talking behind backs. Alasia denies that she's done it and so Jessica is like, "All right, everyone else then." This was the point at which Alasia told us that Jessica is like Malibu Barbie, whereas she's Marietta Barbie. These two did not get along. Jessica confessionalizes, "Alasia's really annoying, she's really immature, she's stupid, she doesn't know what she's talking about, she doesn't let anybody get a word in, and she needs to go home." A bit subtle, but I think you get the point.

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America's Next Top Model

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