America's Next Top Model

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In other hairy matters, Alasia left her shaving stubble in the tub, prompting Raina to ask if she'd just shaved her back, chest, arms and stomach. Heh. As Tyra tells us, Alasia had a bit of a temper. We get a highlights reel of Alasia's verbal fisticuffs with the other girls, which is awesome and scary all at once. What we didn't see was how Alasia directed some of that anger toward innocent, inanimate objects after her frozen vegetable argument with Anslee was over. Alasia stands in the closet and screams at her toiletries, and we see little thought bubbles coming up from her deodorant and lotion that say, "Did you say something to her?" "Hell no!" Alasia continues to scream that said toiletries shouldn't talk behind anybody's back. The deodorant remains adamant that she did not talk shit about Alasia, and that she was in fact practicing her runway walk. As Alasia goes on and on, the toiletries wish that she would shut the fuck up. Angelea of all people tells us that Alasia is a loudmouth who's all over the place. She also calls Alasia a ghetto hoodrat. The bottle of lotion agrees, and also is lodging a formal complaint with the producers.

The fangs came out at the next photo shoot, in which the girls got into a tub of blood to portray the newest victim of a sexy young vampire. Even though they were blinded by white contacts, the girls still got wicked hormonal and wanted to bang the male model. Alasia tells us that she was praying for a photo shoot with a boy -- she was tired of seeing girls and boobies. How can you ever really tire of seeing boobies? However you're oriented, they're just nice. Boring Simone remained rigid at her shoot, and in fact looked like she was in a birthing pool. The panel was disappointed that she couldn't push herself to a place in line with her edgy look, and she was sent home. That was a sad one for me, because I thought she was so gorgeous.

Jessica may have been doing well in the competition, but as never-before-seen footage shows us, she was kind of a dumb-ass when it came to other things. She asks Tatianna if Hawaii is a state or a continent or what. Tatianna, who lives in Hawaii tells her that it's a state. Jessica says she doesn't even know all the states. I mean, I maybe couldn't point to where every one is on the map, but I've at least heard of all 50. Angelea tells us that Jessica is a bird brain. Jessica struggles to figure out where South Carolina is (perhaps somewhere by Illinois, if she knew where Illinois was), and then interviews that she thought Europe was above Canada also. And, wow. Jessica tells the other girls that she was home schooled until eighth grade, and totally skipped that part of her education. This is what happens when you're raised by religious nuts, I'm guessing. We can only hope that somewhere along the line someone asked her a question about evolution.

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America's Next Top Model




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