America's Next Top Model

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Whatever the situation, Tyra tells us, this crew was prepared to put on the smackdown. To wit, Krista and Angelea sit in the confessional room together. Angelea says, "These females is dirty, and nasty. They don't know how to keep nothing clean." To prove her point, she picks up all sorts of half-eaten food items that have been left in the confessional. Krista predicts that they'll have roaches tomorrow. Cut to a close-up of a roach. Aw, man. Someone kills it with a stiletto. The girls stand around in the kitchen, doubtlessly creating more dirty dishes caked with food to leave around, and Raina tells them that a soul named Bubba Scotland Jones entered their bathroom this morning. That's the roach's name, in case you weren't clear. He was not paying rent, and so got smashed. Raina is hoping that this will be a warning to the rest of the roaches in the house. Sadly, it doesn't quite work like that. Raina confessionalizes that poor Bubba Jones had to suffer because of their irresponsibilities. She isn't really sad about it, though, and gets more drawn-on devil horns.

There was maximum exposure at the first photo shoot, as the girls posed wearing only one item of clothing, ranging from a long scarf to a ring. Modesty wasn't an issue for most of the girls. Alexandra, apparently, is naked most of the time anyway. Gabrielle tried to give confident face, but actually gave sleepy face. Not good. At panel, the girls got introduced to new judge Andre Leon Talley and his "particular brand of scrutiny." He says, "I don't want to be cruel to Naduah, but a pedicure would be nice here." There's a close-up on her foot, and ooh child. She needs to get those claws buffed. Sadly, she's not the only one. Anslee seems to have a long French pedicure, which I think makes Tyra gag a little bit. While Alasia's ass-crack photo got a lot of mockery from the judges, it was our fair and forgotten Gabrielle who was sent home. Too bad, since I think she coulda been a contender.

Since casting, Tyra tells us, Naduah's striking looks and composure made her a provocative presence among the other girls. What we didn't see until now was how else she provoked the girls. And that was by wearing a slinky negligee to bed. What. The. Fuck. Maybe that was the cult uniform? It did sound like kind of a sex cult after all. As Krista says, "You need to cover up, because I don't want to see that going to bed." Especially since Naduah is on the top bunk, and climbing the ladder gives everyone in the room a much unwanted cooch shot.

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America's Next Top Model




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