America's Next Top Model

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Potes: A- | Grade It Now!
Easy, McKeyzy, Beautiful

Tyra gives Analeigh a quick hug and asks if she's proud of herself. Analeigh is. Tyra thinks Analeigh should be proud of herself, except for the part where she sucked during her commercial. Thanks, Mama Ty. Tyra tells Analeigh that Paulina thinks she's a star actress who can get a lot of modeling campaigns, and the panel thinks that's the direction she should go. Tyra totally just told Analeigh not to be a model! Harsh. Analeigh tells us that she's very upset, but is coming out of this experience a lot stronger and wiser. She has no regrets, as regrets are mistakes you don't learn from. Dance like no one's watching, Analeigh! She says she did her best and gave her heart, and that's all she can give. Too bad she chose "heart" over "good face." Analeigh fades from the group photo and we have our final two!

Sam and McKey head to their Seventeen photo shoot, where they find Ann Shoket who has come straight from a shopping spree at whatever the Dutch equivalent of Forever 21 is. Seriously, I will take Tyra's pantsless spacesuit any day over this ruffled monstrosity. Ann Shoket needs to realize that she is 40-odd damn years old (or that her penchant for underage tops makes her look 40-odd years old). Stop the insanity! Ann points out that the winner of the competition is going to be on the cover of Seventeen. This is exciting, but all I can notice is the fact that McKey is holding a stuffed koala bear wearing a t-shirt. The hell? Ann says that they'll be shooting the cover shot today, and McKey pumps her fist. All the marsupials in the house put your hands up! The girls get made up and outfitted in hideous apparel. Sam tells us that this whole thing is "so her" because she turned seventeen just three months ago. And doesn't know how to dress. McKey tells us that this has been such a great day, and the wonder of it all has just sunk in. Ann tells us that both of the girls have astounded her today, and she thinks it's going to be a tough elimination. Can't we just keep both of the girls as co-winners and vote to eliminate Ann?

The whirlwind(mill) continues as the girls head to a large building that is the site of their runway show. They enter to find some whack pink runway that Mr. Jay thought up while playing Candyland in a meth haze. Jay greets them standing atop the runway's major hill. Yes, he has climbed to the top of fashion mountain! Sam thinks that Jay has outdone himself with his whimsical magical mystery catwalk. He tells us them that he calls this his Willy Wonka / Dr. Seussian runway. Because when an Oompa Loompa makes good, he always wants to pay tribute to the master. Doopity do. He tells the girls not to worry so much about the hills, but rather about the fact that this is a looooong walk. Whitney would have had to stop for a donut midway through, is how long it is. Jay gives them some pointers for scaling fashion mountain, then sends them into hair and makeup.

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America's Next Top Model




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