America's Next Top Model

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Easy, McKeyzy, Beautiful
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on ANTM: We had fourteen finalists who battled it out in a fierce fight throughout the entire flipping competition! Some, like Lauren Brie, were instantly awesome and nonsensically eliminated. Some, like Nikeysha, were mere blips of suckage on the reality TV landscape and were booted before we could get too riled up about them either way. Three girls have survived it all! They are:

McKey, the strong yet feminine beauty from Lake Forest, Illinois who's shown consistent growth and improvement in her photos from week to week but faltered in her first attempt at a Cover Girl commercial and has a second personality who speaks in a vaguely European accent. The third personality enjoys wearing chain mail.

Analeigh, the pretty and peace-loving (as evidenced by that monstrosity that continuously hangs off of her neck, and no, I'm not talking about Marjorie) girl from Sacramento, California who has taken some impressive photos but struggled to work her figure skating background into her posing. She eventually figured out her body, but can she conquer her face? Am I imagining it, or is that kind of a harsh question?

Samantha, the athletic and adorable girl from Woodland Hills, California who barely escaped elimination after offending designer Jeremy Scott and his mullet. Sam managed to turn it around with a stellar photo, but the judges think she's very commercial and know for a fact that she doesn't know how to dress.

Three bitches, one top prize, 66% of dreams shattered. And that's just how Tyra likes it.

It is night in Amsterdam. And there is Tyra Mail! You see folks, there's a lot of ground to cover in the final episode and we don't have time to reflect on how anyone is or is not sad that Marjorie is gone. Analeigh certainly seems plenty peppy as she reads the mail: "Makkelyk, Fris, Mooi! Love, Tyra." I'm sure this actually translates into "Tyra Uber Alles," though the girls seem convinced that it means "Easy, Breezy, Beautiful!" Yes, folks, it's Cover Girl time. It's always Cover Girl time. Get ready for a zit or two to pop out just from the power of the TV waves. Right next to the Tyra Mail are the girls' lines for the commercial, the first of which is in Dutch. Analeigh notes that they're not going to be sleeping much. Because they're going to be shaving each others' va-jay-jays all night again? These bitches need to look into waxing for special occasions like this.

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America's Next Top Model

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