American Idol
Top Four: Radio Gaga

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Speculum Of The Other America

The Top Four don't actually visit home, there's just this long thing of how that happens every year. How even Danny Gokey had people who were excited to see him, when he came home. This is set to that song about how it hurts Puff Daddy's feelings how his abandoned, illegitimate children have somehow managed to go on living even when he's not around. Which, I'm sure that's way too harsh, but when I think about being his kid, I just think, "You're such a narcissist that even if I'm super happy to see you, it would be funnier to act like it's no big thing, because that would fuck with your soul."

Ryan seems distracted, but beautiful, like that weird part at the beginning of Great Gatsby where the couch is floating around. Lauren is wearing a ridiculous dress like an old-timey hooker would wear, while Haley is rocking some kind of disco look. Durbin's wearing something or another, his kinds of things, and Scotty is wearing a look of boredom because there's still weeks left until he finally wins.

The theme is Leiber & Stoller again, and then the other song will have the theme of "Songs."


Durbin has chosen "Don't Stop Believin'," because -- as he informs us in the cynically sincere prepackage -- he has not. Then he sings the song in exactly that way: A like a sexily stumbling drunk, wearing Steve Perry black tails and a Journey t-shirt, who has not given up his beliefs. Which honestly, that is a costume that precisely says, "I stick to my convictions," you know? "I believe that wrestling is real."

It's fine, it's very Durbin, it sounds exactly like listening to that song while looking at James Durbin, which are like two of the best activities.

Tyler: "Randy, you were in Journey for five seconds!"
Jackson: "I was hoping I wouldn't have to bring that up myself."
Lopez: "I like how predictable your performances are. Predictably awesome I mean!"
Jackson: "I was in Journey for five seconds, but Steven Tyler was in Aerosmith for seven hundred years! I don't know whose ass to kiss, so I'm going to give equal props to everybody. Every end of a sentence is the opportunity for another modifier about how everybody is so talented."
Seacrest: "That's how I would have done it. Good call."
Jackson: "Wait, wait! I forgot to address James or his performance!"
Seacrest: "We stopped listening so quickly after the Journey thing came up that you might as well just roll with it."

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American Idol




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