American Idol
Top 4: Results

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Just A Girl

No Doubt is like haunting me. They're going to be on this show tonight, and then on Gossip Girl singing Adam & The Ants on Monday. Which is a whole lot of No Doubt for a band that is over with. And if you tell me they are not over with, I will smack your smart mouth, because Return Of Saturn was a very, very long time ago, and that's the only No Doubt I can even deal with. On the other hand, I am willing to suffer No Doubt and a DAUGHTRY in order to get some Paula Abdul, because A) she used to be my favorite thing, and B) what on earth will that be like.

The pimpmercial is pretty amazing, actually. It's a fairly decent and fairly different version of that All-American Rejects song "Move Along," that's very soft and not rock at all, but pretty in a whole other way. Good harmonies. So they're all on billboards and newspapers and stuff, but like from new design world; they have those graded tones of like a Twitter background or a cereal box, and there's saint rays coming out of their heads. Then they see a car and they climb off the billboard or newspaper and chase the car; of course, Allison can't even run convincingly. The best part, though, is how Adam and Allison are on billboards, right, and Kris is on the top of a pile of newspapers, but once he becomes two-dimensionally real he does this Care Bear Stare and shoots Danny out of his chest, and then Danny walks all toolishly toward the car. This is awesome mainly because why would Kris ever wear a Danny Gokey T-shirt except in a fantasy.

Um, right, there's not actually anything to accomplish this week, so here's some more useless crap. Adam -- looking awesome in a rocker scarf and with uncomplicated hair -- and Kris take the first vocals on "School's Out," guitar courtesy of Slash and other dirty folks. Kris, of course, is completely out of place with this song, and with the other three rocking out; once again Danny is way better than he has any right to be. Maybe he will scream again and the cognitive dissonance will go away. Allison smacks them around, Danny gets hit the hardest, which is nice. Then there's a whole -- I hate this song, I don't know it very well -- thing where they yell at each other about "no more teachers, no more books," and that is not very pretty. Once again, everybody but Danny, and yes I do include Adam here, sounds kind of awful.

Ryan hops around with Slash about how maybe he has eyeballs, maybe he doesn't, and then barks out this hilarious goatlike meeeeeh that might be the cutest thing Ryan's ever done, and then he asks Allison why she hit Danny so hard. Her mouth says it was an accident but her eyes say, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

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American Idol

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