American Idol
Top 3: Results

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Didn't We Almost Have It All?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Ryan Seacrest has really let himself go between Tuesday and Wednesday night. He's all doughy and his hairline looks to be receding, and he either got a bad batch of Mystic Tan or else he's jaundiced, because...oh wait, I'm sorry, that's Homer Simpson. Man, The Simpsons have cranked up the intra-network cross-promotional stuff this month, haven't they? Anyway. Homer's doing the pre-credits patter that Ryan always does, and his summation is that "Some people were mad, others were happy, Simon was scary, Paula was nice, and Randy forgot to button his shirt." Actually, Paula was scary, Randy was nice, and Simon forgot to button his shirt, but that's really not the point. "This is...um...oh, American Idol!" he says, then asks if it's too late to vote for Fantasia. Har, har. After the credits, Ryan comes out and gets all humorously territorial about how it goes, "This...is A-MER-ican Idol!" but you know deep down inside he's honestly bothered by this. That intro is his and his alone! He introduces the Top 3, and it looks like Jordin is pointing out someone in the audience to Melinda, and they both wave at whoever it is. I'm assuming it's LaKisha or Brandon or any of the other dozen eliminated contestants who have shown up tonight. By the by, Melinda's shirt reads "Death Cheater." Oh, girl.

Ryan wonders how things will shape up for next week, and as usual, he does it in the most reductive way possible: gender politics. "Will it be Blake versus one of the girls?" Or will it be an eye-scratching, hair-pulling, beer-in-the-weave catfight between Melinda and Jordin? Also, Ryan tells us that Elliott is here. AAAAHHHHH! On wait, he's not here here. But he will be. I am understandably freaked out. I only just recently stopped receiving daily letter bombs by angry Yaminions. I'm none too jazzed about that starting up again. Also, Maroon 5 is here. As well as Brandon Rogers. Hi, Brandon! If I'd have picked Haley instead of you in my pool like I almost did, I'd be winning it right now. ["You still might. You just need that save from you-know-who." -- Miss Alli] No, no, don't apologize. We also have judges, but we don't want to talk to them right now. We want to recap last night. There isn't a whole lot of editorializing beyond what went on last night. Melinda took Round 1. Ryan did his adorable Randy Jackson impersonation. Blake was great, Jordin was great, Melinda was great. Simon pussed out and called Round 2 a tie. Melinda disembarks the stage and is like, "One more song? Seriously?" Simon says he wants to award Melinda a place in the finals. Blake was having a lot of fun up there. Jordin gave her best performance of the night. Randy says two girls should make the final. And Simon wants his girl Melinder in the finals. Me too, dude.

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American Idol

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