American Idol
They're All Wasted!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C+ | Grade It Now!
Don't Raise Your Eye

Kinnik's deep dark secret is that she enjoys chitlins from time to time. She reminds the viewing audience that, yes, chitlins are indeed pig intestines. "I know it sounds gross, but that's okay, if you don't like 'em, that's more for me." She only eats them about once a year, so she will fight you over them. Kinnik seems like a completely delightful person, doesn't she? I don't know how many of these women I'd be able to stand for very long, but Kinnik may be at the top of the list of people I could hang with. So why does she have to go and ruin it all by singing Alicia Keys? Why?? Okay, whatever, it's not that crucial. But Alicia falls into the Stevie Wonder category. Is it too much to ask for a little originality on this show? Kinnik is wearing a brown plaid top that looks left over from last week's cowgirl ensemble. Or perhaps from a "Sexy Farmer's Daughter" Halloween costume. Whatever, this song ("If I Ain't Got You") is so damn boring. I think Kinnik sounds fine enough singing it. I just don't think I could be very moved by it either way. Randy says she started off well, but got sharp around the middle and pretty much stayed there. Yeah, "sharp" is totally the new "pitchy." Personally, I didn't think she was all that sharp, but what do I know? Paula thinks it was sharp, too. And of course she also falls back on her standby "but you look fantastic" patronization. This was about where I realized just how tightly scripted this night was going to be. Kinnik is supposed to be leaving, and the judges are just falling right in line. Not that she was exceptional or anything, but when even Paula Abdul is like, "You're usually on pitch, I don't know what happened," you know there is something up.

Simon, because he doesn't want to make much of an effort when it doesn't matter anyway, says she just messed it up. He calls it "appalling." He brings up the "booked a plane ticket" thing again, correctly if without a ton of grace. Then Simon tells Kinnik, "At least you can have your…what do you call them, Chiclets?" Kinnik takes that with some good humor and says it's "chitlins." Ryan takes umbrage, though, and says Simon maybe has a little bit too much fun rubbing it in to the people going home. Which is residual from last week, but completely earned. Then, Kinnik tells Ryan -- volunteers it, even -- that she also thought she "went sharp and stayed there," so either she's falling on her sword in an attempt to look gracious, or I heard that song completely wrong and it was much worse than I thought. ["For the record, I agreed with Randy. She made a heroic effort to get it back on key but it didn't work." -- Sars] Ryan sees how Kinnik is performing hara-kiri right before our eyes, and tries to snap her out of it. He asks her, "How do we save you." Immediately she jolts awake and is like, "Voting! Voting is what can save me, wonderful and attractive home viewers!" She also says if she sticks around, "the only thing sharp will be my dressing." I really like her and will miss her personality, if not her singing. She actually waves goodbye as her phone numbers are being read, and it's more reflexive than self-pitying. Like if you played this back for her, she wouldn't have even remembered doing it. But somewhere in there she knows she's done.

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American Idol




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