American Idol
They're All Wasted!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Don't Raise Your Eye

Rundown! Gedeon trying to sell you his album art subliminally. Chris being way too good for this mess. Kevin being too good for this mess in a completely different way that mostly translates to, "Please vote him off!" Bucky valiantly fighting off a scalp infection. Will Makar running full speed into a hail of bullets. Taylor scrambling an imaginary pan of eggs. Elliott pointing to his eyes to match the word "see," unfortunately. And Ace conveniently not displaying any of the uglier sides to his performance. As Ryan signs off, we see that Chris doesn't really interact with anyone but Ace, and quickly jumps offstage, presumably to hang with his friends. Hmm. I mean, not like I'd stick around to get elbowed out of the frame by Taylor either, but this show is about going through the motions sometimes, dude.

Thursday

A black-on-black-on-black clad Ryan Seacrest welcomes us to judgment day, and shows us the twelve shiny stools that could be state-of-the-art water fountains, or perhaps barstools from a diner in the distant future, upon which the final twelve contestants will be sitting by show's end. He announces what awaits the finalists once we get to next week: bigger stage, bigger studio, bigger band, and -- coming not a minute too soon for some -- stylists for all! Then he makes a "stylist" joke en route to welcoming the judges. Randy's in plaid, Simon's in black, and Paula's inebriated. Though not nearly as bad as last Thursday. I wouldn't blame the producers if they'd given her sedatives or electroshock before they went on the air tonight. Forty-six million votes were cast! I have no idea what that means in relation to other weeks, nor do I care all that much. Lots of votes! None of which where mine! I've already recapped these performances, so I won't do it again, but as Ryan narrates the rundown, there are a few notable things. Ace and Katharine are once again grouped together as the cream of the crop, which is interesting because it was Mandisa and Taylor who got the "best in show" notices from the judges. Also, you figure that in order to keep up appearances, they have to show negative comments for the dead contestants walking. We see the judges bag on Will, Kevin, Melissa, and Kinnik. We also see negative comments for Ayla, even though she wasn't really judged as particularly bad overall. And Gedeon's similarly well-reviewed performance gets a non-committal "old soul" sound bite. So at this point my predictions changed to Will, Kevin, Kinnik, and Ayla. With my resolve for the Kevin pick weakening by the minute.

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American Idol

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