American Idol
Semifinals, Week 1: The Results

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Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part III

The whole concept of singing the song that got you bounced is so twisted, but especially here when it was song choice that ultimately did Patrick in. Well, that and being crazy boring to the rest of non-Joe America. That, too. I mean, I love Patrick, and I love Melissa Etheridge, and I love "Come to My Window," but nothing about the performance makes me want to listen to it over again, which says a lot about how uninspired it really was. And still: sad. Lisa Tucker is my girl, because she's pretty crushed here. Me, too. It's not unfair, and it's not an outrage, and it's not nefarious, it just sucks. For a million little reasons. That Bread song that sounded like actual angels. The skinny, crane-neck hotness. Saying he wasn't as pretty as Ace. Admitting to being a closet Trekkie. The fact he plays the piano. None of those reasons were enough to get people to vote for him, and I can understand that. But leaving me with Bucky and Gedeon? And David Radford? And Sway? Cold, America. Very cold. So Patrick sings "Come to My Window." Lisa is now crying. Will looks like his dog just died. Damn.Everybody crowds onto the stage for the final sign-off. Melissa is bound and determined to get some of that lost air-time back, so she's hovering over Seacrest's shoulder. Brenna keeps trying to crowd into the shot, but she's not making it. There is one more bit of filler before we close up shop tonight, as Becky, Bobby, Stevie, and Patrick get a goodbye video package, a highlight reel of their journeys so far, set to the same "Had a Bad Day" song we memorialized the audition rounds with. At least now the lyrics make a little more sense. We see Stevie auditioned with a big ol' yellow flower in her hair, and was against all laws of nature even paler than she is right now. We see Patrick audition with those stupid-ass sunglasses on, and I'm really glad we never saw that during the early weeks or that entire paragraph above may have never happened. Bobby remembers being psyched that Paula called him a character. All these interview clips sound like they're right before the Top 24 were chosen. Patrick talks about being happy to get that far, "but man, wouldn't it be great if I could make it through this round?" Okay, I'm just going to stop talking about him. I guarantee I will not be doing this every week, don't worry. I love watching Becky O'Donahue continually flip out. Stevie is so controlled in her celebration, but Becky's all about jumping around and throwing her arms up in the air. Two sides of a pretty decent coin, right there.

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American Idol

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