American Idol
Season 13 – Results Show

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 9 USERS: B
The Third Time is Not the Charm

The editors go nuts, pasting post-performance clips from each of the finalists into graphics of record charts. Thanks, editors. Then it's Ryan and his catchphrase, and the credits, and the entrances, which in the judges' case tales forever and a day and the audience still can't seem to calm down. In the clips from last night's post-show activities, all the finalists are talking about Jena's glow sticks, Sam's timidity, Harry and Keith's disagreements and mutual impersonations, and Malaya's flowers that she warns Majesty away from. They also talk about Caleb upstaging Ryan during the broadcast, but Ryan doesn't seem to care about that when we get back from the clip. He seems to be more interested in the sliders on the finalists' dinner table.

So now we can move on to calling some folks to center stage to find out who's first on this week's shit list. It's Malaya, Dexter, and Jessica, but before finding out which of them gets a stool, Ryan plays Dexter a message of support from Florida Georgia Line, the duo whose song he left partially uncovered last night. He smiles and claps like that doesn't have a real chance of being his last happy memory of this show. Ryan starts with Jessica, who is safe, and then somewhat awkwardly sends Dexter over to the bottom-three stools, which means Malaya is safe. Thanks for coming out, Florida Georgia Line.

The judges must not have had time to go on Ryan's radio show yesterday, so instead someone apparently asked them backstage last night about the first time they heard themselves on the radio. For Jennifer it was in a cab in New York, and it was a very exciting moment for her. As it traditionally is, I understand. It's not like anybody ever ends those stories with "It was a terrible day." Then we cut to the balcony where Ryan, Keith, and Harry introduce Jennifer to perform her new single "I Luh Ya Papi." That starts out with Jennifer sitting on a fake stoop with her backup singers (who include season 11 runner-up Jessica Sanchez) and dancers chatting stiltedly about the male finalists while wearing jorts and bedazzled panty hose, as you do. There's a little a capella intro and then the song, which isn't for me but people seem to dig it. I don't have much to say about it and it wouldn't matter if I did, but it does fill up a lot of time rather nicely.

We come back to Keith Urban recalling hearing his song on the radio for the first time in Tamworth, the country music capital of Australia. With an admirably straight face, he says this. It came out of a shitty little clock radio in a hotel room, but still felt pretty good. Then we're back at the judges' table, where Jennifer rushes back after changing back into what she was wearing at the start of the show. They all talk about the choreography and who Jennifer's papi is, not that she's saying, and then Ryan calls out Caleb, Majesty, and Alex. Before anyone hears anything, though, Caleb steps up to apologize for last night's peanut allergy joke, on behalf of people with peanut allergies, I guess. Alex is safe, duh, but Majesty is heading back to the bottom three for the second week in a row. Imagine how freaked out she'll be next week, if she's still here. At least Ryan didn't tell the world that she was only saved by a margin of six votes this week.

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American Idol




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