American Idol
Hope You Find A Lot Of Nice Things To Wear

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
For The Love Of Money (And Vonzell's Daddy)

Bo's crazy grandma is wearing a suit tonight. Ryan and Bo talk about how it took Simon a while to start calling him Bo, even after he told them the first second he met them, and Simon winks at Bo. He is just fresh tonight, but also, I know he likes these kids a whole lot more than he lets on. Ryan says, "Simon, since you're in such a lovely mood [and again Simon gets very wiggly here, and again it's a problem], what was the first thing that struck you about Bo?" Simon explains the true facts that Bo is an individual, has a good voice, and a nice attitude. Bo is in the corner during all of this looking beautiful.

Ryan, after baiting us with a "special surprise," serves up the Marquis Jet Card, a thing I don't know about, for the three non-losers to go home tomorrow on a "whirlwind VIP visit." I can't wait to see that footage, actually, because all three of them are going to be very, very happy, and I like when they're happy. The other one, the non-non-loser, will be getting a "one-way coach ticket" home, which Ryan also produces. At this, Vonzell giggles, A-Fed looks sad, Carrie looks pissed and sad, and Bo looks like he's better than all of this, because he is. So is Ryan!

Ryan calls for the lights to be dimmed, the better to non-shock us all to our comas, and then Ryan just mows them down one after the other. Bo sang "It's A Great Day To Be Alive" and was great, boring, or unlikable. Then he sang "For The Love Of Money," and it was either horrible and cheesy unto extremes, or the best thing that's ever happened in our universe. Then of course Bo's safe, flashes a thumbs-up, and has a seat. His mom is crying, and his crazy grandmother is still crazy.

Carrie's first song, "Sin Wagon," was unanimously awesome, and her "If You Don't Know Me By Now" was either similarly great or else a terrible mark on this show and on music. She's scared to death, which is cute as hell, considering, and then she runs screaming into Bo's arms so fast and hard that you hear a mic thump when they collide.

A-Fed crotched it up, counterintuitively, with "Already There," which I hated, Paula and Randy loved, and Simon found dumb and cynical. His second song, "The Death Warrant Of Anthony Fedorov," was very awesome and soulless, just like this show. Meanwhile, Vonzell fucked up so fucking bad and then lost her mind onstage with "How Do I Live," then got it back double with the very very amazing power of "Don't Leave Me This Way," a song I didn't know could have an effect on me either way other than, like, "Disco was a very strange time but the music was fast and that is good."

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American Idol

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