American Idol
Auditions #1

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 37 USERS: A-
Boston to Austin

Time now to meet another 17-year-old, but this one has a sad backstory. I know, three whole contestants in. Abandoned by his mother at 13, moving on to his depressed father, Sam Woolf now lives with his grandparents in Bradenton, Florida. They seem pretty supportive, especially his grandpa, who sets up gigs for him at local restaurants and stuff. With his guitar, he treats the judges to an earnest but speedy rendition of "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran, impressing the judges with his voice and pitch. Harry disapproves of how good the kid's tattoo looks, when he's been telling his 17-year-old daughter she's too young for one, but other than that he's into it. They vote him on to Hollywood unanimously, except for Harry who vetoes the tattoo. I don't know how Harry is going to enforce that without showing up in Hollywood toting a laser.

Then Ryan Seacrest narrates a montage of dream-following and tells us, "This is your story, America. This is your show." So if we don't like it it's our fault.

After the ads, Ryan's voice and the Bob Dylan cue cards are back to talk about the seven audition cities and the Idol Bus Tour. Ryan also explains the new airlock thing we saw at the beginning of the episode, which they are calling "The Chamber." Seriously? They're just asking for people to fart in there, with that name. Ryan also boldly refers to this year's judges as "the best panel we've ever assembled," which is a wordy way to say "no more Randy." A montage reintroduces us to how awesome all three of them are in their own ways, and then we're back to auditions. Ethan Thompson, 23, is here with his guitar to take the show back for the White Guys With Guitars demo that was so under-served last year for once. There's also bluesy 18-year-old Lindsey Pedicone from Pennsylvania. And look, it's Jillian Jensen, who got boned with her pants on by Demi Lovato on The X Factor two seasons ago! All three of them are in, and Harry deadpans, "Jen, I am impressed by the rocks that you got."

Taylor Freaking Hildack (19) meets Ryan Freaking Seacrest out in the arena (which is how they freaking talk to each other as Ryan takes her freaking phone she was freaking videoing him with to freaking video her instead), and she winks at Harry that she's a "jazz vocalist at a community college." But then her version of "Before He Cheats" suggests that she might not be leaving community college any time soon. The judges are pretty lukewarm on her, and Jennifer is the only one to vote yes, so she's the first reject of the season. And she wasn't even a weirdo, either.

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American Idol




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