American Idol
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Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: B- | Grade It Now!
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Randy's new "who's gotta have it" catchphrase even makes it into tonight's preview/recap/promo thingy, so I guess it's arrived. After the credits, it's very loud and flashy in the auditorium as the judges and Ryan make their entrances, like an episode of Seizure-Inducing Robots. Ryan takes an informal poll of whom the people in the studio voted for, and it appears to be unanimous in favor of "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Now that we have that preview of tonight's results, Ryan goes over to the top eight on the bleacher-couches to check in with them -- Joshua, in particular, who says that he's nearly blacking out every time he stands up. Ryan tells Joshua to let him know if he needs anything during the show. Not to have to stand up and sit down a lot, obviously, but it's not like that's going to happen.

Ryan then schmoozes over to the judge's table, promising performances from The Wanted and Kellie Pickler later, as well as plugging Jennifer's ¡Q'Viva live show, coming up in Vegas. Then they're about to play Jennifer's new music video, but not before Ryan embarrasses her about a male dancer who appears in the video with her. Then they play almost the whole damn thing, but if MTV won't show music videos any more, I'm sure as hell not going to recap them.

And of course then there's the weekly Ford music video, which you never would have seen on any other network ever anyway, in which they complete a painting of a street scene by grabbing things out of real life like the old Kids in the Hall "I'm crushing your head!" sketch. It's dumb and pointless but somehow less embarrassing. Or maybe I'm just developing a tolerance for these things. Scary either way.

Then back to the studio, where Ryan plays a Twitvid from some expat teacher in Vietnam who has forced his preschool classroom to record a message wishing Joshua luck. So now it's time to start with the results. Going in order of the duets from last night, Ryan calls down Jessica and Joshua, who declines Ryan's considerate offer to stay seated. He's clearly forgotten how long these clips from the previous night are. During the package, Jimmy also sounds a little stuffed up as he gives Joshua "tens all around," saying he's followed Jimmy's advice to rein it in a bit. And there's no better way to impress Jimmy than to listen to Jimmy. He thought Jessica did great like always, but didn't pick a strong enough song, so out of the two of them, Joshua won the night. Back onstage, Jessica says there weren't a lot of eighties songs that match her voice, but she did her best. Aw, poor Jessica, not being the favorite for once. Ryan starts with Joshua, saying he won't be happy...until he's back on the couch, because he's safe. Ryan tells Jessica they're working on the bottom three, "and you are the first join Joshua on the couches." No suspense there, not for lack of trying.

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American Idol




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