American Horror Story
The Replacements!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: N/A | 137 USERS: A
Where Everyone Would Love to Drown

Back at the school, Zoe is walking through a room when Nan gets all buttinsky about "You like him! Zoe tells her to mind her own business and that it's rude to read other people's thoughts. Nan snaps back that she can't help it, and she's honestly love to not have to hear everybody's stray thought all the time. Of course, if she hates it so much, maybe stop calling it out for everybody to hear all the time? Come on, Nan. Zoe then gets a call from Mama Kyle, who tells her that Kyle did come back, only it's "not him."

Elsewhere, Fiona has taken Madison out for al fresco brunch, and while Madison thinks she's there to get hollered at for some transgression or another, Fiona just wants to talk about her life. How long as she known she was special? Madison gets to talking about her "selfish bitch" of a mother, who shoved her into child acting the minute she could talk, and who last time she saw her, snorted half Madison's coke and left her to get busted for it. Look, I'm just saying that Julia Roberts, Emma's aunt, was in Ryan Murphy's Eat, Pray, Love, and while it would be a casting coup, it's not like it would be out of the question. Anyway. Fiona commiserates, says she's been a horrible mother to Cordelia, and that she regrets it. Madison says she still has time to turn it around, but Fiona's face tells the tale of whatever Everything Virus she's got inside her. She simply says she has so much wisdom to impart, still. Which I guess is where Madison comes in. "Teach me," she tells Fiona. The first lesson involves spotting some poor schmo across the street and mentally futzing with him in order to get him to walk out into traffic. Madison isn't sure if she did that or Fiona. Fiona just looks at her with a sparkle in her eye, though that sparkle turns to concern, since this is just further evidence of Madison's impending supremacy.

Back home, that night, Queenie is enjoying her new personal maid service, forcing Delphine to make her a chicken pot pie, and later a peach cobbler. Delphine is apparently over her racism enough to move on to fat-shaming, telling Queenie she'll never find a man at the bottom of a dish of peach cobbler. Queenie quotes some Dr. Phil boilerplate about food being a substitute for love for kids from broken homes. Delphine obviously doesn't know what a Dr. Phil even is. She's distracted by something moving outside, and when she goes over to look, she's scared nearly to death by the sight of her own personal Ghost of Christmas Past, Bastien, the Minotaur she created way back when. Delphine locks all the doors, as Queenie berates her for acting like a crazy person. But Queenie manages to catch a glimpse of the beast, too, and after Delphine raves about the dark magic that has enchanted both Bastien and her, Queenie finally is like, "Bitch, who even are you?" Delphine reveals herself as the infamous Madame LaLaurie, and Queenie flashes back to her little field trip excursion in the pilot. Finding out Delphine's true identity does not endear her to Queenie any more, as you might imagine. She says Delphine deserves ravaging at Bastien's hands and worse for what she's done. But Delphine is scared out of her wits and begs Queenie to take mercy on her. Queenie shifts into TCB mode, makes an efficient cut on the back of Delphine's hand to get some of her blood on a kitchen towel, then tells her to get lost.

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American Horror Story




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