American Horror Story
The Replacements!

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Where Everyone Would Love to Drown

After the break, we are in an Urban Neighborhood, because there is bass coming out of all the cars. Amid all this is pale-ass, blonde Cordelia, taking her LIFE in her HANDS walking around this place, so clearly it must be for a good reason. She ends up in the same salon Fiona patronized last week, and just like last week, it's no accident. She asks for Marie specifically, to consult about a fertility problem. She's led to the back, where Marie Laveau sits atop what can only be described as a throne made out of what can only be described as animal bones and gator skulls. Seems not quite comfortable to just hang around on in the middle of the day, but Angela Bassett's ass is her own concern. She offers Fiona a Coca-Cola, and after a few moments, we see she's playing solitaire on her iPad. Modernity in antiquity! Cordelia cuts right to it -- she has heard of Marie's famous fertility spell (second only to Marie's gumbo recipe in its notoriety!) and wants it for herself. Marie warns her that the ritual is no picnic.

We're then thrust into a kind of speculative fiction -- If Cordelia Did Undergo The Fertility Ritual, Here's What It Might Look Like. It starts with her collecting a mason jar with what looks like a rather lot of her husband's semen. Like … that's gonna take a few trips, if you feel me. That mason jar will them be passed around a drum-circle of voodoo-type folks, some in skull makeup, a lot of them dancing. Then Marie eats a flaming-hot chili pepper (to get the gods' attention). Then: a goat. There's always a goat. It never ends well for the goat. In this case, they wait for the mason jar of semen, having been place on the fire, to bust, then the goat's throat is cut, and it bleeds all over Cordelia's bikini zone. And that, Jimi Hendrix, is how you make a voodoo child.

It's at this point that this scene begins to remind me of Angels in America. STAY WITH ME! Remember that scene in Angels in America when a delirious Roy Cohn asks Belize to tell him what heaven is like? And then Belize goes on to deliver that mesmerizing monologue about crooked skyscrapers and Balenciaga gowns and voting booths? And then, at the very end of this very detailed description, he just looks at Roy and says, "And you ain't there." That's kind of what Marie is getting to now, as she laughs in Cordelia's face and tells her this ritual ain't available to her, not for any price. "You were born into the wrong tribe!" she cackles, saying that Cordelia is the daughter of Marie's sworn enemy. So, once again, Fiona has managed to destroy Cordelia's happiness. "She done messed with the wrong witch," Marie says. "And she knows it. And now you know it."

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American Horror Story

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