American Horror Story
The Replacements!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: N/A | 137 USERS: A
Where Everyone Would Love to Drown

Cut to downstairs, which is a fish-eye bonanza as the girls are setting down for breakfast. They're gossiping about the new boy, of course, in their own ways. Madison scoffs at these two "virgins" talking about sex at all. Au contraire, says Nan. "I get it on all the time, and guys find me hot." Get it, girl. Though if she's mature enough to be having all that sex, maybe she can get a handle on constantly blowing everybody else's spot, as she does when she says that Queenie is, in fact, a virgin. Enter Madame LaLaurie, in her maid's uniform, serving the day's meal. Queenie of course recognizes her as "the bitch that brained me with that candlestick." Yeah, that'll stay with a person. Delphine can't keep it together for two seconds, of course, all, "How dare you open your mouth to me, foul Negress!" Queenie gets up and demands this cracker bitch serve her food. Delphine can't bring herself to do it, and she throws the plate against the wall. Whatever might have transpired next is halted by Fiona, who demands to know what's happening, and when Delphine says she refuses to serve this black chick, Fiona declares that she hates nothing more than racism. As such, she appoints Delphine as Queenie's personal slave, basically. Because this is your brain on Ryan Murphy addressing race relations.

But shut up about that foolishness! It's time to return to Misty Day over at Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup. Today's song is "Sara," and Misty is singing it to FrankenTwink Kyle as he lies next to her in her bed. You guys maybe should just imagine what happens for the rest of the scene, because Misty and I are going to sing for a bit. She tells her mute little friend about Stevie and how she didn't really blossom until she found Fleetwood Mac. Misty herself hasn't yet found her "tribe." Zoe then shows up, and Misty is just overjoyed to see her. She excitedly pulls Kyle's shirt open in order to satisfy this show's core audience show off her handiwork. That good old Louisiana mud is what did it, she says. There are scars, but compared to what he looked like when Madison first stitched him up, it really is a wonder. But Zoe isn't here to commiserate with Misty. She's here to bring Kyle home to his mom. Misty doesn't think he's ready, though mostly Misty doesn't want to be left alone. I don't think her primary attachment to Kyle is romantic or even sexual. I think she's grown used to the companionship, such as it is. She struggles for a moment against Zoe, enough that FrankenTwink growls and throws them both off. But Zoe ultimately wins out, though she promises to come back to see Misty. Misty doesn't buy it, and in her solitude, she dons her Stevie shawl and spins. Spin, you gypsy, spin.

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American Horror Story




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