American Horror Story
The Replacements!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: N/A | 137 USERS: A
Where Everyone Would Love to Drown

Fiona is then at the plastic surgeon, looking to schedule some quality time with her old friend face-lift (and probably a few more experimental things). She insists on watching the instructional video, for some masochistic reason. It's kind of fascinating whenever Hollywood actresses you know have had some kind of facial rejuvenation take part in a storyline that depicts plastic surgery with this little varnishing.

Next up, Zoe does something that makes very little sense. This already seems like a pattern. She's managed to seek out Kyle's mother and has paid her a visit in order to ÔÇŽ commiserate, I guess? She at least has gotten over her compulsions to confess unnecessarily, so at least there's that. Kyle's mom is played by Mare Winningham, by the way, and she's a mess. Just a total trashy mess with weird hippie braids and smoking the pot she found in her dead son's bedroom. She tells Zoe about the piles and piles of golden-boy stuff that Kyle did, and she expresses surprise that Kyle never told her about this new girlfriend of his. Zoe says they weren't romantic. Mama Kyle then gets real inappropriate and tells Zoe about how she tried to kill herself the other day, and it was Zoe's phone call that got the noose off of her neck. So, you know, no pressure on this new friendship! "I wish I could hold him and kiss him," Mama Kyle whimpers. "If only to say goodbye." Zoe of course gets weird about "Oh you'll see him again. Kyle hasn't left us." Zoe is really shaping up to be a terrible witch.

Meanwhile, the Spooky La La music returns because we're back at Miss Robicheaux's, as Madison, Queenie, and Nan spy at the new neighbors moving in. And in the grand tradition of new neighbors moving in on TV, one of them is a super hot guy who takes his shirt off. Too bad his killjoy mother Patti LuPone comes by and tells him to put his shirt back on, because something-something Bible. She gets particularly urgent about it when she sees the three girls openly gawking at him.

Now, time for some racism LOLs, as Delphine is upstairs, watching President Obama on TV and weeping in fear at the horrible future she's awoken to. Fiona enters her room and cheerfully informs Delphine that in fact that man on the "magic box" is the President, and that she voted for him twice. She then tells her undead guest that there have also been black Senators and Supreme Court justices "and even the Poet Laureate," which is pretty hilariously random. Not as hilarious as Delphine's teeth-bared hiss of "LIIIIEEEESSSS!" that follows. Deciding to twist the knife further, Fiona produces the outfit she just bought for her new houseguest: it's a maid's uniform. Delphine is going to be the maid. "Do you have any idea who you're speaking to," Delphine snaps. "I'm speaking to the maid," Fiona replies, "unless you'd like to end up back in the box." Anybody else wondering why Fiona ever dug up Delphine in the first place? You're not alone!

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American Horror Story




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