American Horror Story
The Replacements!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: N/A | 137 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Where Everyone Would Love to Drown
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Are you ready for some motherfucking FISH-EYE LENSES? I hope so, because they are all the hell over this opening scene. Fiona can't sleep, not even after a nightcap of pills and some scotch. In the parlor, she ends up having a flashback to 1971 and her days as a student at the Miss Robicheaux's, when her mentor (and the Supreme of her time) was Anna-Lee Leighton. Anna-Lee is played by the fantastic Christine Ebersole, the first of tonight's two Broadway divas. Riley Voelkel -- "Sorority Girl" from The Newsroom and a junior Charlize Theron -- plays teenage Fiona, who is sporting a choker and an attitude.

Young Fiona asks Anna-Lee when she knew, in her bones, that she was the new Supreme. Anna-Lee talks about how she was younger than Fiona is now when she began manifesting multiple powers. But it's not simply a multitude of magical aptitudes that decides supremacy -- one must master something called the "Seven Wonders," something I assume we'll hear about as the season goes along. Young Fiona starts to get lippy, impatient with the wait to ascend to what she knows is her role as the heir Supreme. Anna-Lee basically tells her to slow her roll -- all while retrieving a cigarette from a boss-looking cylindrical case where you unscrew the top and out spring your cigs like petals on a flower. I want. Anyway. Fiona shoots back at Anna-Lee that she's fading in her old age, and beginning to fall prey to a whole host of ailments, from diabetes to liver trouble. Anna-Lee slaps this impudent brat (or, in her words, a "vicious little gash," like, YIKES) and then tells this "selfish, craven little child" that she will see her burn in hell before she ever takes the throne. And if you've ever watched television before, you know that Young Fiona's retort is "Save me a spot," at which point she slashes her mentor's throat open with a dagger. Well, that didn't take long! Young Fiona looks over at Young Denis O'Hare playing Young Igor and they share a look. In the present, Old Fiona looks over at Old Igor and is all, "Cat got your tongue?" Get it? Because he's tongue-less and she's a bitch?

After the credits, we get a scene where Fiona luxuriates at the bar of a local singles joint, as she voices over about the "dance" that's always gone on in her life. She's talking about her ability to seduce men, from princes to paupers, the world over. It's implied that this is accomplished via some combination of magic and her own natural abilities, but whatever it was, that power has faded considerably, as we see a young-ish single stride right past her at the bar to go talk to someone younger.

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American Horror Story

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