American Horror Story
The Dead

Episode Report Card
Mindy Monez: B | 75 USERS: A-
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The Dead

Queenie has cleverly talked LaLaurie into going to Marie willingly through the promises of a new haircut. Ugh, Kathy Bates is so cute here. She's all nervous and excited about getting a new look with her new best friend, and this one actually does remind me of a prior performance. She's so Fried Green Tomatoes here, and I hate myself for it, but Madame LaLaurie, the most ruthless psycho in the American Horror Story history is breaking my heart.

They walk into an obviously closed Marie's, but LaLaurie doesn't seem to notice, such is her excitement. She marvels at all the hair products on the shelves, but Marie appears behind her, all "Been a while." LaLaurie is panic-stricken, and she turns to Queenie, not quite understanding yet what is happening to her, all we gotta get outta here, this woman is crazy! Queenie cops to tricking her and calls her a "dumb bitch," and the pain on LaLaurie's face just tugs all my heart-strings. Just think of her ripping out people's eyeballs, Mindy. Marie's henchmen grab LaLaurie, put her in shackles and throw her in a cage in the back. Marie gives Queenie a sharp hook-type weapon and lets her make "the first cut" while LaLaurie screams in protest and pleads for mercy. Queenie accepts Marie's challenge, and approaches the cage.

We close with Marie coldly smearing LaLaurie's blood all over her face just as LaLaurie had done with the blood of slaves so many times all those years ago. It even looks like she's using the same brush. Because that's the funny about revenge – it turns you into your enemy. Angela Bassett has looked 35-years-old for the past 20 years, though, so I guess you could argue that it's worth it.

In two weeks: Queenie shows some remorse and brings LaLaurie a burger! Fiona sees Madison! The Coven tries to kill Fiona! Fiona wants to kill Misty Day! Fiona and the Axeman smoke in bed, which is a fire hazard! OMG.

Mindy Monez's only goal in life is to someday hit the Frostop drive-thru with Gabourey Sidibe and Kathy Bates at three a.m. You can tweet with her @garnisheater.

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American Horror Story

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