American Horror Story
Spilt Milk

Episode Report Card
Joe R: A- | 5 USERS: A
Spilt Milk
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

You know, these present-day scenes have really taken on a gloomy pall now that we've traded in the slutty charms of Adam Levine for Dylan McDermott's sweaty, sad-sacky take on Bloody Face 2K12. Right now, he's sitting in his darkened home -- the same one his dad, the original Bloody Face, owned -- and smoking pot. While we take a tour of the art direction, scattered with totems of a sad, solitary existence (empty beer bottles, roll of paper towels on the coffee table, can of Raid on the end table), there's a knock at the door. It's a hooker, if you can believe that, and we're introduced to her at breast level. They ain't bad. Her name's Pandora and she just had a baby three weeks ago, which is important once you realize that Dylan Face picked her because he's into suckling. Yes, that's right. This oddly breastmilk-obsessed season really kicks into high gear this week as we discover that Father and Son both have the same tastes in that regard.

So after a whole lot of blah-blah from Dylan Face about whether her breasts leak when a baby cries and the importance of breast-feeding for early childhood development (parroting his father with that observation). Pandora, bless her, does her level best to make the idea of breastfeeding an adult man sound sexy. It's just a lot of cooing and promises to mother him and it's fantastically creepy. Finally -- FINALLY -- the bra comes off and he dives right in and we mercifully go to credits.

Back from the break, Kit is hauled out of solitary by Thredson and an orderly. Thredson is talking about taking Kit to see his son, but isn't buying that ol' Ollie is here for the do-goodery of it all. "What's your endgame, Thredson??" he hollers, impressing me by knowing what "endgame" means. Thredson lectures Kit about his own legendary concern for the welfare of children. Like Kit should have assumed. "You and I both would move heaven and earth for our children," he seethes, obviously kinda pissed about the whole thing where Lana tried to abort his child and is now basically holding it hostage in her womb.

Off to the common room! Where a for-no-real-reason fish-eye shot shows us Grace holding her baby surrounded by various Briarcliff crazies all clamoring to get a look at him. Pepper, that pinheaded saint, is trying to keep them all at bay. Kit is so happy to see mother and child when he shows up. Grace, who is still acting like a blissed out weirdo, though at least she's speaking in sentences now, says she's going to name the child Thomas, after her grandfather. Because we all know family is very important to parent-killing Grace. Thredson, of course, is just full of questions about Grace's lactation, because among his many faults he's got a one-track mind. Pepper is in full "I'M ON TO YOU!" mode, however, and tells him to leave Grace alone. Not bad, Pepper, but where was this can-do attitude a week ago when Thredson was basically presenting you, Grace and baby as a tableau to threaten Kit with? Thredson simply smirks and has Pepper hauled off to the hydrotherapy room. He then leaves Kit and Grace to enjoy their "precious miracle" while he takes everyone else to the cafeteria for a group therapy session, which should be scintillating, what with the presence of Head-Bashing Harry and Carl the Chronic Masturbator (perhaps not their real names).

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American Horror Story




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