American Horror Story

Episode Report Card
Joe R: A- | 5 USERS: A+
Let's Do the Time Warp Again

Cut to the coffee shop, Lana droning on and on about being on Dick Cavett. Kit tries to casually ask if she's been back to Briarcliff, but she breezes past that with the news that she's going to make Leigh Emerson the subject of her next book, particularly his seven-nun killing spree after he escaped Briarcliff. "I thought of calling it Santa and the Seven Nuns." Lana, you sound like a fucking moron. What's happening to you?? She has the sense to look momentarily abashed, but when she asks Kit, re: the book title, "Too campy?" he snaps at her. "WHY are you writing about him???" He's just another maniac. Lana says that's her niche now. Actually, she says "That's my canvass," because why the hell not be the absolute worst you can possibly be? She blathers about how she has a unique perspective on the "stunted male psyche" because she "lived it." That's a leap if I ever heard one. Kit reminds her of her promise -- to him, to Jude -- that she would be an actual reporter and take down Briarcliff. All she can say to that is, "Things change. People change." She defends the life she made for herself, the one she crawled out of the depths of hell to claim for herself. Which is fair enough and Kit acknowledges that. She says she knows very well she could just as easily still be at Briarcliff, "drooling in the bread dough with those other lunatics." He cautions her not to go too far -- his wife is one of those lunatics.

Cut to Kit visiting Alma in the common room at Briarcliff. Which... either Briarcliff's visitation policies have gotten very permissive with new management or else their DGAF levels are at record highs. Also at record high levels? Kit's sideburns. I swear, every time the camera cuts back to them, they grow another quarter inch. He tells her stories about the children and Alma looks sad. She asks him to bring them around next time if only for a few minutes, but one glance around the room -- catheters being pulled out, sexings happening in full view of everyone, just general madness and filth -- is enough to get her to reconsider. She tells him she doesn't know how he survived this place. Hey, back then there was a jukebox and a demonic spirit with an impish sense of fun. Those were the days, man.

Lana's pretty horrified at this news. "I had no idea she was there," she says. "Not anymore," he replies, and the next thing we see is Alma's dead body on the slab. Kit was called in to ID the body. The nurse tells him there was no warning at all -- her heart just stopped. Alone with his wife, Kit apologizes for failing her, and Grace and their kids. He pledges to make it right, somehow. Back at the coffee shop, all Lana can do is gasp about how she and Kit are the only two still alive. I guess she's earned the flash of pride that peeks out there, but it's still pretty unseemly. Kit merely corrects her: it's not just them. Jude's alive too. Lana brings up that OBVIOUSLY FAKE death certificate that should disqualify her from ever writing a book again. Nice job believing that utter hogwash, Lana. Kit tells her plain: "I saw her."

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American Horror Story




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