Ally McBeal

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: F | 1 USERS: F
Accept It: This Show Sucks

Previously, Ally was floored when she found out she has a kid. Dame Edna said, "Hellew!" And, that when she gets stressed, she suffers from acid reflux. Gross. Richard made Ally partner, and her jaw drops. Nelle was all, "Fish and McBeal?" Ally told Richard he needs to lay off some people to reduce overhead. Maddie the Kid said she has "a good feeling about" Ally. Um, that was in LAST WEEK'S "previously." Do you need to show us that clip twice? Jon Bon Jovi told Ally that it's hard to raise a kid on your own. He did not add, "Duh." Ally says she hasn't been raising the kid solo, since she's "had" JBJ around. And what will she do when the charade that he's working on her "pipes" has to be dropped? He said he'd baby-sit. Because he "could use the extra money." Because plumbers make about the same as baby-sitters make an hour. Except not.

Lights up on JBJ and Ally, in her living room. He's offering Ally some wise, sage, good, sound advice, and henceforth, shall forever be known as Obi-Wan Bon Jovi. Wish I had thought it up! Ally has to do a difficult thing (I guess, lay off some people), and if it has to be done, it has to be done, opines Obi-Wan Bon Jovi. Om. The force, she will be used. But, Ally stammers, what about the people's feelings? Then Maddie appears on the stairs, in her PJs, and asks what all the hushed tones are about. Well, it seems that until Maddie popped up, like, three weeks ago, all Ally had for a family was the people she worked with. And tomorrow, she gets to fire someone. Which is the one thing you can't do with family -- unless, of course, you're Drew Barrymore. Or, possibly at some time in the future, Frances Bean.

Vonda's been dooown, she's been down down down....

Aerial shot, drink! Hey, Albert Hall gets second billing this week! How cool. So, Ally's walking down one of "Boston's" busy "sidewalks," and sees a giant bubble in the sky, floating toward her à la Glinda the Good Witch of the East from The Wizard of Oz. Ally's mouth opens and closes a few times, like a fish's, and she looks around her. Is she really the only one hallucinating such a thing? She is. The bubble reaches the sidewalk and poof, it's Dame Edna! Hellew! Ally stammers and stammers. Did Dame Edna really just float down in a bubble? No, you silly bitch, says Dame Edna. She WALKED UP. And, since Ally managed to ask, she isn't doing so well. There's the acid reflux, for one thing, and she's "been given a pink slip, and not to wear," she's afraid. She was canned for sexual harassment! Which I guess is supposed to be amusing, but is really just more of the same old crap David E. Kelley has always turned out. Sigh. I've already lost hope and it's just the second scene.

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Ally McBeal




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