Ally McBeal
What I'll Never Do For Love Again

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now!
Kiss This Show Goodbye: All Sweetness And No Sorrow

Previously on Ally McBeal: Nelle was horrified at the news that Miss Liza Bump will be working at the firm. Richard had deep lust for and wants to unwrap "the itty-bitty little sexual package" Liza is. Ally dumped Jon Bon Jovi, telling him that, "deep down," he and she know they aren't the ones for each other. Liza rubbed her scantily clad bod all over Richard, asked if he could now "imagine making love" to her, then hopped off, since imagining is as good as doing. And "it would be wrong" for them to actually sleep together. But cock-teasing is all right. Yeah.

John's hole. Liza -- clad in yet another brief lycra workout ensemble -- is doing chin-ups, Richard spotting. He's trembling with lust, again, some more. She chides him that he's stopped counting, and asks if he's thinking about what it would be like to do it with her again? Some more? Of course he is. Because she's just so sweaty. Well, if Liza lets him lick her, "one little time," will he behave? She turns and offers him the "especially moist" nape of her neck. He stammers, and wham, the walking wet blanket that is Dame Edna opens the door of John's hole. Hellew! If you were feeling tingly at this scene before, you should now be feeling the reverse of tingly. La Edna is clad in a blue leopard headband and some kind of voluminous sweatshirt thingy. Liza purses her lips in disapproval and looks exactly like Angelina Jolie. Dame Edna asks if Richard would like to see her work out and get dewy, too. "Not so much," he says. The rest of the viewing audience says hell no. Oh, and Richard's father is waiting in his office.

Hey, Richard's father is Jim from Murphy Brown. That's the second case of stuntcasting from that show this season alone -- three if you count JBJ's character as a total rip-off of Eldin. Richard and his father hug/pat each other awkwardly and -- since Mom is fine -- get down to business: Fish Sr. has been accused of sexual harassment by his former secretary, bugger. She was so hot, he fell in love with her and fired her, bygones. So now he's being sued, "bugger." He doesn't want to settle, bugger, so here he is. Can Richard help? "It all seems so unconstitutional, pursuit of happiness, rais ipsa, search and seize her [sic]'s all right there!" Fish Sr. holds his hands up with an invisible cat's cradle inside and waves his fingers in Richard's face. Richard stammers. The closed captioning says, "Stammering." Wow, Richard is just like his dad.

Vonda's been doooown, she's been down down down....

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Ally McBeal




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