Ally McBeal
Turning Thirty

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Turning Thirty

No previously this week, as we all spend every waking moment following Ally's life.

Young Ally walks down the street, winning the hearts of every passerby as Vonda ruins everything. Boys skate and bike around her but she just smiles. Ally wakes up to some rock music and stares at the calendar over and over again. They focus on April 9th -Theater. I don't know, they do. Oh, and Elaine gets a raise on the 26th. What a strange thing to put on your wall calendar in your bedroom. Ally flops around for a bit and then runs down the hallway to the bathroom. She starts pulling on her face in the mirror. Remember that scene in Poltergeist? Yeah, it looks just like that. Then Ally's face morphs into an older woman's. No, really, the entire thing was really quite terrifying. I'd rather not talk about it. I'm already going to be up all night because of it. I'm trying to spare you.

"It can't be," Ally keeps repeating to herself as she walks out of the bathroom. She runs into Renee. Not even a "where the hell have you been?" Renee asks who died. (Get used to the death jokes, people) Ally says it's worse than death. "It's here." She tells Renee that she's thirty (It takes about thirty seconds, too, but you can fill in the stammering and lip-grabbing yourself). Vonda then scares the hell out of me with the opening credits.

I start to wonder if I'm really insulted by the Diet Dr. Pepper ad with the girl in the gym trying to tell herself that it's okay if she's fat, followed by the e-trade ad with the basketball player who wants to be a dancer who is disappointing his dad, followed by the Herbal Essences ad in the courtroom where some lawyer has to start grinding around while men wash her hair, or if I'm just all bristled whenever I watch Ally McBeal. Probably a combination of both.

DEK hired a co-writer for this episode. The change is quite noticeable, as the lines are now fired quite quickly at each other with snappy snarks and asides. I don't mind at all. Elaine is telling Richard that she wants to throw a party for Ally. Richard tells her that since Ally isn't happy about turning thirty, it probably isn't a good idea. Elaine says that it doesn't matter because Ally will be pissy if she doesn't get a party also. She says that Ally likes to think that the whole world revolves around her and that they might as well play along for one day. Ha. I think this co-writer reads our forums. "Richard, she's going through a tough time. Think about it. In her whole life she's only managed to get one man to love her and he's dead." Richard nods in agreement. Elaine walks out with a shoulder wiggle and says that they all could use "a good party."

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Ally McBeal




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