Ally McBeal
Queen Bee

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Queen Bee...otch

Previously on Ally McBeal: Reverend Newman broke up with his choir-singer girlfriend Lisa; she sang suggestive songs in church, and he didn't fire her for fear of reprisal in the form of a sexual-harassment suit. I think this was more than a season ago, actually. ["I believe you are correct." -- Wing Chun]

Christine Lahti walks down the street in ugly spectator pumps and a black trench coat as a young-Christopher-Reeve lookalike and several other men gawk at her. The Taylor-Dayne soundalike belts, "Love is alive, love is alive, yeah! Yea-eah! Hee-ee-ee-aw! Yeah!" Waves of heat emit from Lahti's body (also rhymes with "hottie") as she takes the elevator up to Fish & Cage. Before Elaine can fetch Richard, he's there, stammering and staring at Hottie Lahti Body. Her character's name is Sydney, though. Richard already knows this, and he leads her to his office. Mark sidles up to Elaine and asks, "Who's that?" in a casual gossipy tone, as if the two of them didn't just have a bitter breakup. Ling and Nelle stick their heads around a corner and make catty noises.

In Richard's office, Sydney takes off her coat, revealing a white shirt that looks like it's corseted. As she speaks to Richard, her voice does this goofy reverb thing that's supposed to be hypnotically sexy. She asks Richard whether he gets off on "mommy talk" and whether he's aroused. He indicates that he does and is. She asks him to hold off until she's finished explaining her case. It seems that Sydney runs a company and only hires men to work there. The men are "drones" and she is "the queen," and this sounds like something I've heard before on this show. I sigh. "Have you ever sucked on a woman's toe before, Richey?" Sydney asks. Richard says that he's a lawyer, and asks whether she's there to hire his firm or what. Sydney tells him that she is, but that she can't tell him about her case until he stops thinking about sucking her toe. He says that he can't. She asks whether he can promise to stop sucking her toe after one minute. He says he can. She takes off her shoe and says, "Go to my foot, Richey." I can't remember whether or not she was wearing hose in the previous scene. It seems like she had on black ones. I don't really want to think about her toes, anyway, though, because they're probably all calloused from the roach-killer shoes she wears. So I'm just going to move on to the next scene, all right?

Morning meeting. Nelle and Jackson are assigned to the Rev. Newman and Lisa Knowles case. Ling, Nelle, and Ally want to know who Sydney Gale is. Elaine comes in and announces that Sydney's waiting for Richard. Richard tells John to accompany him. John seems irritated about having to stop eating his cherry pie. Jackson looks at Ling. Mark takes off his shirt, looks at the camera, and begs me to rescue him. Oh, wait. No, he doesn't.

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Ally McBeal

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