Ally McBeal
Playing With Matches

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: D+ | 2 USERS: A+
Gimme A Break! I Sure Deserve It!

Previously on Ally McBeal: Jenny freaked because she found out her mom, Jacqueline Bisset, is marrying a much younger man. Kimmy Bishop, she of the dormant twitch, had a minor fling with the Biscuit. Well, a couple of dates, I guess. With her mother in tow. Richard was hot for Jackie Bisset. Get in line, buster.

Boston at night, sailors take flight. In the bar, Glenn is singing "Hey, Jealous Lover" with half a dozen backup singers or so. Richard shamelessly hits on Jenny's mom. He insists he has "altruistic motives," in that most marrieds end up having affairs and losing their relationships. If Jenny's mom gets "nasty" before the nuptials, well, no harm, no foul. The thing is, is that Jackie Bisset? Has already been nasty. That's why she asks that Richard call her Miss Bisset. And, that she totally enjoys getting Richard revved up even more by asking if his "altruistic place is still hard," and if he wants to know just how nasty she has been. Oh, goodness me. I just dropped my third monocle this week. I simply have to stop being so horrified.

Vonda's been dowwwwn, she's been down down down...

We race across an aerial shot of Boston. Drink. It's a bright day, and can someone please tell me why Nell Carter's name was so buried in the credits? Like, who in hell is Albert Hall? He gets billing above Nell freaking Carter? And the show is "with" Jami Gertz and Jackie Bisset, but Nell Carter, star of stage and both big- and small-screen, just gets lumped in with everyone else who has a line? I have to say it: gimme a break. I sure deserve it.

Jenny's trying on a nice enough navy blue satin dress, cut on the bias with a low back and interesting neckline. She whines to Ally that it doesn't even fit, and Ally says that bridesmaids' dresses are often pieces of shit. Well, this dress isn't half bad. And, the fact that they're having this fashion show in the office? Well, I won't comment. Jackie's fiancé walks in (what is he doing here? Oh right, won't comment on that, either) and says that Jenny does not, contrary to her opinion, look ridiculous. She splits, and the most Boring Young Man Ever To Graduate From Yale and Marry Jackie Bisset strolls into Ally's office, looking like quite the slimy snake. Small talk. Ally says that, when she's fifty, she hopes a young guy will still find her attractive. He says he thinks she'll have no problem. He looks at her, and the keyboards make a noise. Ally thanks him. And why is he looking at her that way? No reason. The keyboards make their swelling, angelic choir noise again. Ally looks at him super-funny.

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Ally McBeal




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