Ally McBeal
Out In The Cold

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Out In The Cold

This episode begins with Ally walking by a homeless man who suddenly decides to strum her bass with his fingers, sing her life with his words, but not kill her softly with his song. They NEVER kill her softly with the song. Darn it. I can't even get into the particulars of this scene because I was distracted. My thoughts ran thusly, "Oh, no. Not ANOTHER person who supposedly has insight into Ally's life and yet CARES about it." Then I thought, "The mittens are not cute. The hat is not cute. She's not adorable. She's frumpy and annoying." Then I thought, "Who smeared soot-colored makeup on this actor's face, all the better to set off his blue eyes?" Then I thought, "That alleged homeless guy looks a little like Will Ferrell." Then I settled back and let Vonda's voice engulf me in its tsunami of heinousness.

Shriek! What the --? Oh. It's Ally's distorted visage, reflected in a cup of coffee. For a second I thought it was that old Star Trek episode with the man-eating puddle. Ally blows into her cup. Elaine walks up, shows a bit of cleavage, and asks if everything's okay. Ally stone-faces the distance and says her life's a fraud. She walked by the homeless guy that morning and with one look he knew her whole pathetic existence. "Is it that obvious?" she asks. Elaine looks up from her paperwork and deadpans, "Yes." Luckily Ally hasn't removed her coat or her scarf or her mittens or anything, because she suddenly decides that she has to find the homeless guy and talk to him. Okay, loser. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya. Oh, but Elaine chases her to the elevator, telling her that "these people" have germs. Elaine's wearing a dark brown cardigan with a large red-rose design. She's paired it with a black mini-skirt which also features red roses. Ally's knees are showing between her overcoat and her boots. She rudely puts her mitten over Elaine's mouth, saying she'll be back in an hour. Two cops step off the lift. Elaine horn-doggedly offers them her help. "Is there a Ling Wu here?" the cops want to know. Ling Wu walks up in a shimmery white turtleneck and a big white fur or faux-fur coat. There's a warrant for her arrest. "Excuse me?" says Ling. "Wuh-wuh-wuh-what?" Ally butts in. The officers tell Ling to put her hands behind her back but she says she'll do no such thing. Richard is wearing a purple tie AND a purple shirt, and he's all bewildered and stuff. He wants to know what the charges are. The actor who plays the speaking cop in this scene says, "She's been running an escort service for underage boys," all matter-of-factly. Don't even throw in an "alleged," Officer Fake-O. He starts to read her the Miranda rights but Ling is the Unsinkable Ling Brown and she yells that she also has the right NOT to remain silent. "Rhubarb..." says Richard. "Ling!" says Ally as she and Elaine give these tsk-tsk smiles at Ling's sassiness. "That's the girl I kissed this season! You tell 'em, honey!" you can see Ally thinking.

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Ally McBeal




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