Ally McBeal
Neutral Corners

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Alex Richmond: F | Grade It Now!
Neutral Corners

Previously on Ally, more than four people cared. Seriously. And, Ling became a judge. Ally told Jenny that she loved John, and he overheard and thought she loved him loved him, rather than the platonic love, which prompted John to tell Richard that he loved Ally in a love-love kind of way. Dame Edna popped in as a key witness, and Ling was offered her own judge TV show after one day on the job. Glenn told Ally that he and Jenny were "over as a couple." Ally cocked her head with her bad hair and looked blank.

Lights up on a boxing ring. Glenn and Hot Guy Ray are in their neutral corners, being wiped down. It sounds much hotter than it is. Glenn looks slightly more battered than Ray does. Glenn's handlers are urging him to knock Ray the fuck out. The bell dings, and the fighters emerge and pummel each other. In the front row, Jenny cowers and flinches. Dude, I've sat in the front row at a boxing match (at Philly's Blue Horizon), and you get fluids on you. Sweat, mostly. But you can see really well. If you see sweat heading your way, you can usually block it. Jenny just turns her head like an infant avoiding a spoon full of apricot mush. Glenn makes a good showing, but Ray has more power, and delivers a blow that sends Glenn to the mat and his mouthguard into Jenny's lap. She screams, horrified, then we see a shot of her snapping awake in bed. Then, a shot of Ally snapping awake in bed. So, Ally dreamed that Jenny had a dream about Glenn and Ray boxing.

Ally's office. Ally is explaining to Jenny that she dreamed Jenny dreamt about Glenn and Ray boxing. No, really. There isn't an echo in here. You heard it the first time. Ally re-tells it, the women sip coffee out of oversized, gaudy mugs, and ponder. I think I'd want to quit if my co-worker had freaky dreams about me, then told me about them first thing in the morning. But Jenny just makes the biggest meta-statement of all time: "Okay. You're weirder than me." A thousand times, word. Glenn enters, and Jenny says they have to call off the case, because Ray and Glenn will "end up killing each other." And that would be bad why? Jenny says she dreamed it would happen, and Ally is like, no I did. Jenny calls it "a dream to the second exponent." The fuck? DEK, what are you smoking? Ammonia and green tea? Then, we learn that Glenn studied dream analysis in college (I heard the Dionne Warwick Institute of Law and Dream Analysis is really a party law and dream analysis school, but hey, you get out of school what you put in), so he grabs a pad and asks for the details. Because Ally's dreams are gospel and come true. Glenn says battle means sexual repression, blood means love, and men in undergarments means intimacy. So Ally has repressed dreams of sexual intimacy with Glenn. Ever roll your eyes so much your head hurts? I can hear you screaming yes. All four of you.

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Ally McBeal




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