Ally McBeal
I Will Survive

Episode Report Card
Gwen: D | Grade It Now!
I Will Survive

Previously on Ally McBeal: Ally wore that black scarf for all the garrotte fetishists, and Billy died.

Ally's alarm clock flips to 7 AM and she bangs on it to disarm the buzzer. The radio comes on and a DJ says, "And here's a little song for all you romantics out there whose first love just died from a brain tumor." Then we hear Vonda singing that "boy next door" song. Ew, what a way to wake up. Ally bangs on the clock again and hears the opening line from "I Will Survive." She turns off the radio and gets out of bed. She starts hearing the song again, but of course this time it's sung by the hallucinated Gloria Gaynor herself. Ms. Gaynor haunts Ally throughout the house. She even shares the shower with her, singing her song in a shower cap as she lathers up. That would have been funny if I hadn't had to see Ally's wet head in the foreground. Car wash flashback! Car wash flashback! (Hey, does Renee live here?)

Gloria's looking really good, by the way. She chases Ally down the sidewalk and into the traffic. Ally causes several near-wrecks before gaining the other side of the street, where Ling is watching. Ling lowers her shades and says, "Ally?" I think she had trouble recognizing her co-worker because Ally redid her hair into dirty-looking waves and a nasty, uneven little fringe of bangs. Plus she's wearing a LOUD plaid coat, so that probably distracted Ling, too. Ally explains that she was being chased. "Pygmies?" asks Ling. "Worse," says our anti-heroine. "Disco." She says it in the vehement way she employs when she thinks she's being funny.

Super-loud guitar chords...

I've been down this road, watching this show, being annoyed
Ally's made mistakes with her clothes, she's making them with her hair
Oh, I believe I can do it, I can still recap this show
If I take frequent breaks to check email whenever
I feel ready to puke
I'll be scorching my soul tonight
I've got my remote control held tight
I know I have to turn out the light
To reduce glare from my monitor screen
Oh, oh-oh yeah! Bay-beh! Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Trembling piano takes us into commercials.

Ally's meeting with the therapist of Nora, the defendant in their murder trial. The therapist is played by the woman who used to play Eve on Northern Exposure. Ally's saying that the therapist will have to testify that Nora is insane. The therapist doesn't like the word insane. Oh, no. Flaky Therapist Alert! Elaine comes in to tell Ally that Richard's hired someone new.

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Ally McBeal




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