Ally McBeal
Heat Wave

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Heat Wave

Richard and John find Ling and Nelle dancing to Vonda. They cut in, but Nelle walks off. John dances solo for a second and then saunters over to Nelle to ask what's wrong. She says she doesn't want to watch him dance in case she gets aroused and shouts, "ooh, ooh" without a cricket to drown her out. She offers to tell him how he sounds. Richard asks to hear until Ling pulls him away. Nelle doesn't want John to have Richard as a best friend and certainly doesn't want him spilling secrets about their intimacy. She says she needs some space tonight as she walks off. She bumps into Billy, does the turn-around-double-take, and walks off. She asks Ling to come with her. Ling leaves, despite Richard calling her "Krispy Kreme." Meanwhile, Billy is consoling John and telling him that women talk but they don't want men to talk. He says it's a good sign that Nelle is dictating his life because it means she likes him. "Does your wife do that?" "Oh, boy." "Would she object to you saying that?" "Probably; she objects to everything." "Well, that would explain her current expression." What is it with this woman walking into every conversation? She must be part Stealth Bomber. John runs off to find Richard as Georgia sits down with an exhale. "You want me to leave you," she declares. She tells him that once he goes to therapy he's going to go through all of these cycles to realize that he was doing all of this to get her to leave him. "Georgia, that's ridiculous," Billy says with his new earring, "I love you." "Yeah," she says, and walks off. Billy's hair is too vibrant to convey any emotional distress.

Reesa is making it difficult for Iron Eagle to get back with her. Distrust, honesty, blah, blah. Renee says that Reesa's fling was meaningless. Iron Eagle says his was, too. He points at Ally and says, "I don't even know her." Why is she in the room? Ugh. Ally looks indignant at his last comment but doesn't say anything -- yet. He says it was great sex but that's all it was and Ally opens her big lollypop head to say, "Oh, come on!" and then they shut her up. Reesa proves that she should never be a lawyer by popping out the Fifth Grade Handbook's Great Retort: "Why don't you marry her?" Ha. Iron Eagle's rubber and Reesa's glue, too. Iron Eagle says that Ally isn't the mother of his kids. Cut to quick scene of Ally popping out kids all over the hospital until one strikes his head on a lamp. Reesa says that the man she had her fling with didn't even have a face. "Did she have a face?" she asks him. We all look at Ally's enormous exaggerated face as he says, "I won't lie, Reesa, she had a face, and the truth is, the truth is before you got here tonight..." Ally begins screaming and yipping like a banshee and says "windpipe" and then asks to speak to Joel alone. Whipper and Renee are like, "No," and Reesa's incompetent lawyer looks like he's at a taping of the Jerry Springer Show. Ally says what's a few minutes when they are going to have a lifetime together and sweeps Iron Eagle out of the room. She asks what he's doing. He thinks he should be honest. She says he should trust her as a woman, and that if Reesa hears it happened again, then it's going to be over. He says she's right and heads inside. She stops him to ask if he's sure that he and Ally wouldn't work out, because they are really compatible and everything. Stress on "compatible," but he says that they wouldn't work out because he's blue collar and didn't go to college. Excuse me, but isn't Reesa rich? In any event, they decide to go back in but Ally demands one last kiss. She keeps kissing him as "Lady Marmalade" starts blaring but Iron Eagle pulls away as Ally starts yelling at herself like a Tourette's patient to "stop it!" Richard walks in and catches a glance at Whipper. They smile for a second as the cheater's oboe starts playing.

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Ally McBeal




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