Ally McBeal
Heat Wave

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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Heat Wave

Back at the Car Wash of Love, Ally gives Iron Eagle the address of the firm so he can try and work things out with Reesa that evening. She stammers around as she's leaving to ask him, "Assuming that you do love her...how could you...you know...with me?" He says she's the only other woman he's been with in the past six years, and he had no intention and he can't explain it. He saw her looking at him and he...we hear "Lady Marmalade" as he asks if she normally has sex with strangers. She says no. He tells her that it was the first time he made love without feeling inhibited. "Sex," Ally corrects him. He says that what happened in the car wash never happened before and will never happen again. Ally says that's good and she'll see him at eight. She gets all close to his face and then sucks in her lips so she can't kiss him goodbye. Trollop. Iron Eagle gets a stiffy.

"There's a new man in town," sings the song, and it's not to the tune of "Alice." We see a sign that says "ye olde brush and comb hairstyling." Oh, dear Lord, Billy's gone and bleached his hair mid-life-crisis blonde. He's walking around like a Clairol commercial as some extras get paid to stare at him as he rubs his head and smiles like a J. Crew ad. ["Ha! Pamie, it's funny that you mention J. Crew, because when I lived in Los Angeles, I once stood behind an unshaven, very short Gil 'Billy' Bellows in a J. Crew store. I swear. I was buying Glark a plush bathrobe." -- Wing Chun] He walks in the office so Georgia can scream loud enough for the record to scratch off. She tells him she doesn't like it and that he looks like Billy Idol. I think he looks like Billy Corgan. "I'm just plain Billy," he corrects us both. The song begins again until Georgia follows him into his office to tell him he's clearly losing his mind. He says he's tired of being a "wussified piece of wet toast woman's guy." He bangs his fists together to start up the song again. "There's a new man in town," Billy tells us. "There's a new man in town," the song echoes until Billy slams the door shut leaving Georgia alone in Billy's office. "I hate the new man," she pouts. Quick! Georgia! Go through his stuff! Drain his bank account! Put Nair in his shampoo! Oh, I forgot. You're Georgia. You'll just go home and make him some meatloaf and hope that he'll notice you're wearing your new dress tonight.

In the Unisex, Ling is wearing a Rorschach test as Nelle asks why she's making such a big deal out of all of this. "I can't take it anymore. Nobody asks the women if they like Viagra. Why do you think Elizabeth Dole was running for President? Anything to get out of the house." THIS IS A MALE FANTASY WORLD. Oh, and, uh, not funny. Nelle says you shouldn't tell a man he's bad in bed. She should try and tell him what to do that's right. Ling says she doesn't want him to do anything. She likes sex for about ten minutes, but then she wants to watch television. MALE FANTASY. Nelle suggests she keeps faking it, but Ling hates ending her day on a lie and is getting a little polyp on her throat. The doctor doesn't want her to scream. "I could go 'ooh, ooh,' like you," she starts. Nelle is starting to hang her jaw as she asks what Ling is talking about. She says that John told Richard that's the sound she makes and that on a hot summer night she'd be drowned out by a loud cricket. Nelle leaves the Unisex a-fuming. "Great," Ling says to the mirror, "this is why I'm against honesty." Then perhaps she could continue faking? Cue wacky oboe.

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Ally McBeal

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