Ally McBeal
Heat Wave

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Heat Wave

Georgia goes back to the Lonely Hearts Club to sit with Billy Flynn. He's there, of course, in the same seat, working on his third martini. She offers to buy him another to keep him sitting there. He asks why she's there on a Friday night and she says it's probably for the same reason he's there: "Came to sit next to something I know I can't have." Like he knew that she'd show up again. Oh, maybe she was referring to his alcohol. Doesn't matter, she flashes her ring at him to show she's not trying anything. But we all know that Billy Flynn doesn't care about expensive things, cashmere coats, diamond rings. Sorry. I love that musical. She introduces herself as Georgia. He says that's a beautiful name and that his is George. He says that he's old enough to be her father, so he's not going to try anything either. They try to find a topic of conversation, but Georgia just wants to dance. George obliges.

Renee, Whipper and Ally are saying their goodbyes to the happy couple. Reesa's lawyer looks disappointed that he didn't get to see a catfight and his popcorn got cold. "Goodbye, Ally; hope to never see you again," Reesa says. Ally gives Iron Eagle a "do me" look as she says, "Bye," and "Lady Marmalade" plays AGAIN as Ally makes a noise and face like someone sprayed a can of seltzer inside her head. He gives her a "do me" face as the doors close. Meanwhile, the Whipper is walking into Richard's office to talk. "You didn't come to my office this morning looking for Ally, did you?" the prosecution opens. They say they miss each other. Richard says that he feels inadequate around Ling but he adores her. Whipper says that Ling doesn't know what she's talking about, and that she doesn't know how to treat him. She asks where Ling is now and Richard says that she's out with Nelle because Nelle is upset about something. Whipper says he's upset about something as well, so why isn't Ling with him? She breaks the tension by saying they settled Ally's case. She invites him to the bar to celebrate. I want him to say, "I just got back," but instead he stands up and says, "You're a great lady, Whipper. I'm sorry I never said that enough." Her face starts to ooze, so she asks if he ever misses her wattle. She leans back her head and offers her neck up for him to fondle. He groans when he sees "there's even more creases than before." She eggs him on to do the Whipper Wattle Wiggle despite his trying to be a good boy. "Go to my wattle." She says he'd be a bad boy if he did it and then for a second it looks like she's wearing wax lips as she says, "Bad boy" again, and he touches her neck and she groans as if coming to an orgasm. Speaking of groaning, Vonda is singing as Ally has parked her car in front of the car wash so we can flash back to Car Wash Sex, Georgia dancing with Daddy, Whipper getting the Wattle Wiggle, car sex, dancing, wattles, and finally a veiny-foreheaded Ally as the rain covers her windshield and the episode comes to a close. So, what have we learned? Well, what women really want is to have five-minute sex sessions with someone who's engaged, married, or old enough to be their daddies. Romance? Puh. Just make sure you don't talk with your buddies about our sex lives because although we do it, you sure can't get away with it. Thank you, Dave, for letting me hear the word "penis" again, and for showing me how shallow and meaningless being a female truly is. Whenever you need me to go down on you, just let me know.

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Ally McBeal




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