Ally McBeal
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Previously on Ally McBeal: Ling takes delight in angering Whipper. Fish leaves Ling on Thanksgiving. Billy's still walking around with that damn "New Man" song playing. Georgia is at her wit's end.

We open with that infernal "New Man" song as we see various phallic buildings before settling on Cage, Billy and Whipper in an elevator. Oh, that's not Whipper. It's Farrah Fawcett. My bad. Cage is having a bit of a panic attack because there are going to be cameras outside the elevator. Billy is discussing an actual case. I guess the firm is starting to run out of money or something, because they are picking up another sexual harassment case, this time for The Original Whipper. She doesn't know why people are so interested in her. Billy says it's because she's beautiful. The Original Whipper is named Robin. Billy is trying to convince her to settle, but she wants to see the case through. The elevator doors open and the media starts hounding them. Billy is giving them the strong arm, but as they start asking Cage questions he starts Porky Pigging out. They ask if he's making some sort of "pig" statement about chauvinism. More pig noises. They ask what Robin Jones has to do with all of the pig noises. John keeps pigging and then says, "She's Lady Liberty," which I don't understand, but perhaps is an old Ally joke. It doesn't matter because I have to hit the fast-forward button quickly so I can avoid the strained strains of Vonda.

Well, they've gone and spent even more money on David Arquette to make some sort of Matrix-like commercial that showcases annoyance in slow-motion.

Jerry Maguire is on instead of Get Real this week. I guess they really wanted someone to show them the money. Move over, Wasteland; I think you've got some company coming in for Christmas.

Strummy-strummy music stops on Fish watching Cage stuttering Porky-style on the news. He rewinds and watches, makes some joke about having to work with this man until all of the women in the firm beg him to stop making fun of him. Of course Cage is standing at the door and hears Richard making all these jokes. As he walks off Nelle gives him a look that says, "I should probably talk to him...nah. My huge polka-dot lapel might make him think I'm Petunia Pig." Ling and Richard exchange unpleasantries as Ally tries to make Richard feel bad, but who listens to Ally, really? Georgia has her jaw set in her trademarked Outraged Face. Ling isn't done with the unpleasantries, though, and declares that the office needs more men. She'd like someone who can give her satisfaction without the need for chemicals. Georgia makes a face like she swallowed a golf ball. Richard tells Ling that if she really wants to embarrass him she should just be seen in public with him. "All right, grow up!" Georgia (Pot) yells out to Ling and Richard (Kettles). "You just have a thing for grown-ups, don't you?" Nelle echoes my sentiments and Ally steps all over the laugh line by shouting, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" Remember, this show isn't called Ally McEveryoneElse. Elaine gets to make her Three Second Scene by saying she has some ideas for the Christmas party and then everyone tells her she has to get out. I know what Elaine wants for Christmas. A new contract.

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Ally McBeal

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