Ally McBeal
Boys Town

Episode Report Card
Gwen: F | Grade It Now!
All Day [Men] Dream About Sex?

After the longest "previously on Ally McBeal" sequence ever, we see Boston at night and hear Vonda sing about young love. Ling's staying late at Fish & Cage to catch up on her catalogues. Richard goes into her office and invites her to play catch. She's not enthused. John barges in and accuses Richard of having stolen his glove. Richard says that the glove belongs to the firm. He and John have a silly brawl over the glove. My VCR makes a scratchy noise that sounds like a cat's howl. It would have been funny if animal noises weren't overused on this show already. Jackson comes in and asks what's going on. "Not everything's about you, Jackson," Richard tells him, as he and John continue fighting like kindergarteners on the playground.

Five billion commercials later, it's morning at Fish & Cage. Ling comes off the elevator in a "winter white" parka and scarf, and makes her growling noise at Elaine. Jackson speaks to Elaine for a moment, causing her to perspire profusely. Mark gets all pissy about this, passive-aggressively asking Elaine about her health. Okay, the sweating gag wasn't funny the first time they showed it. I can't believe they're making a whole subplot out of it.

Morning meeting: Jackson tells everyone about his case. He's representing Gloria Albright, a law-firm owner who's being sued for firing all her male employees. Ally pipes up, saying that Renee is representing Mackey, the plaintiff. Jackson asks whether Renee's any good. Richard is forced to say, "Renee? You kidding? Pretty, like big knockers?" Ally and Ling sort of pretend to take offense at this. John eats something that looks like flan and glares at Richard. Jackson requests that a woman second-chair for him. Ling says she's free. Richard tells John to take it, instead. "Do I look like a woman to you, jitwad?" asks John. "Jitwad"? What is a jitwad? What is jit? Richard implies that John is a "lawn jockey." I don't really know what that means, either. Does it have something to do with sports? ["Can't help you on the 'jitwad,' since I think they just made it up. But a lawn jockey is a little statue tasteless people put on their front lawns. In the olden days, they were always black. But they're small, which I guess is the joke when it's applied to John." -- Wing Chun] I bet it's not funny at all, though. ["No, it's not." -- Wing Chun] John storms out of the meeting room in a huff.

John carries his flan to his secret Hole In The Stall. Melanie is already there, so they both get to scream like maniacs. John complains about Richard's dominating behavior. He's really upset about it. Melanie suggests couples' therapy. She already has a therapist in mind. Melanie is wearing thin on me. I'll be glad when Ms. Heche's contract is up.

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Ally McBeal




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